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As I have said in the past, the one thing I want to be really good at in this lifetime is relationships. I want the people who are in optional relationships with me (which is basically everyone) to want to be in relationship with me.
I desire to be in relationships that inspire me to be a better me. And I am committed to helping the other person to become the best version of themselves.
That means that I celebrate their wins, even when it’s not obvious that they’re winning. I also call bullshit when they are not showing up. And reflect back what I see, even when it’s uncomfortable (for them and for me).
Because I am devoted to myself, I will not settle for lackluster connection. I am dedicated to my growth and evolution. That means that I make a conscious effort to take good care of my heart, erecting boundaries where necessary, while making sure that I am not creating barriers that prevent the possibility of intimacy.
The relationship I have with my daughter is evolutionary, for both of us. She is unapologetic about calling me out when my compassion wanes. She is also aware that our being mother and daughter can skew her perspective of me as a woman. She will sometimes begin with “I’m not sure if this is because I judge you more harshly…” We can be like that with our parents, right? But even when that’s the case, I take great care to receive what she has to say, which is not always easy.
Because let’s face it—relationships are not easy. They contort your ego into unimaginable shapes. They bend your self-perception out of focus. They trigger your insecurities and challenge your self-esteem. Relationships are shit…as in fertilizer, designed to grow you into your divinity.
Romantic, familial, and friendly relationships force you to look at your beliefs. They create the perfect environment to grow-up the wounded child within. While inviting you to release the stories that reinjure you time and time again.
But not all relationships foster growth. Sometimes relationships are replicas of unhealthy familiarity, which can be toxic. It’s not unusual to attract someone who is complicit in co-creating dysfunction with you. Arguments, belittling, name-calling, and stagnancy. Fighting for nothing and/or everything. Or never disagreeing at all (which is often a red flag).
Regardless of the health (or type), relationships impact your life on a ginormous scale. They influence your mood and create your circumstances. They determine the quality of your life, even more than how much money you make, the kind of job you have, or where you live. And that’s real.
I invite you to consider:
- What would your life look like if you were intentional about your connections?
- If you rated your current relationship(s) on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being shitty and 10 being awesome), which relationship(s) would you need to release? And would you choose to release them?
- Are you willing to be better? Are you willing to require the other person(s) to be better?
- What would happen if you showed up differently (rather than waiting for the other person to change)?
Think about it. All relationships are optional, which means that if you are in a relationship with someone you’re saying “I choose you.”
Since there’s no time but the present…now is a great time to upgrade your relationships.
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This post was originally published on the author’s facebook page, and is republished here with her permission.
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