Have you ever been involved in a relationship where it just went the other direction, and you always think about what it was like the first three months or the first six months?
It seems like in the first three to six months of a relationship, you actually do things for the other person. You make nights special. You light candles for each other. You make sure nights are romantic. You make love for hours instead of minutes.
You really listen to the other person. You don’t just judge or get angry at the other person because you have a history together.
If you ask any couple what they love the most about each other, a lot of them will say it is the way they treated each other during the first three to six months with unconditional caring and romance, and without any judgment. They will say it was the way they listened, touched and kissed during that first six months.
There was a survey online a little while back that asked women what they felt was lacking in their relationship. A lot of them said it was that their man didn’t kiss them anymore the way he did during the first ninety days they were together.
Here’s the deal. You fell in love with someone because of all the things they did. Why is it so hard to keep doing those things over and over and over again?
Why don’t we just call it a “groundhog day relationship?” That way we could just repeat the first ninety days over and over again. That’s four times a year you need to repeat that cycle.
You know how easy it is to make each other happy in relationships. We have all done it — and done it so naturally — in the first ninety days. We did it with such open hearts and open minds, and we did it because we really cared about making the other person feel amazing.
So what stops us from doing it over and over again? Do we just take people for granted? Do we think they’ll always be around?
I don’t know about you, but I’d love to live that ninety day beginning phase of a relationship over and over again. I think that time is magical. I think that time is so special.
Think about it. What’s so wrong with living in a magical place like that every single day?
Oh sure, we can come up with a list of excuses. Work was too hard or the kid bit my arm or the dog didn’t do his homework (notice the reversal there).
Notice, though, that you didn’t make any excuses during the first ninety days. You may not have had a kid at the time, but I’m sure you still had work and that the dog still didn’t always do his homework.
You need to really think back on why you fell in love with the other person, and start doing those things over and over again. Otherwise relationships will continue to cycle, and you will continue to feel unsatisfied. You’ll continue to search for something else, when in reality you probably have exactly what you want right there. It’s just that you might have lost it because you got lazy.
Previously published on davidwygant.com and is republished here under permission.
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