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Men feel a bit under attack these days.
And it’s not surprising…
On top of huge displacements in the jobs market due to automation and outsourcing, along comes #MeToo – which is a MASSIVE wake-up call.
It has thrown a bright light on dark doings in hidden places.
Hotel rooms. Locked offices. Bedrooms. Living rooms. Cars. Ill-lit streets.
And actually—everywhere.
Right before our eyes, if only we had eyes to see.
#MeToo opens eyes.
It is a rude, relentless red-alert.
A different kind of Siren than beckoned Ulysses, but to seemingly no less dangerous rocks: “Hey brother, hey neighbor, hey lover, hey friend—come here, something big is wrong.”
#MeToo asks of men, first: “Just HEAR the stories we women have to tell; listen as we (finally) speak up, speak out and tell you who we are. . . .”
As a friend of mine—Leela Cosgrove, a powerful CEO—wrote:
Be willing to listen first.
Be willing to put your defenses and your own stories to one side for the moment.
Listen.
Truly hear, instead of waiting for your turn to talk (or interrupting).
There will come a time for discussion and for your story – it IS important. It IS needed.
And PLEASE – don’t ask us to mother you before we discuss our own pain.
Be the men you’re capable of being.
HOLD THE SPACE.
A woman discussing her rape or assault is NOT blaming you or seeing you as her aggressor.
She’s sharing something big and scary and important.
Create a safe space for her to be loved in doing that.
And IN doing that, you’ll also discover the divine wellspring of your own masculine power.
Sounds simple and pretty straightforward.
But it turns out that simply hearing is not so easy for a lot of men.
I have been running an online forum for men to discuss their feelings and responses to #MeToo and while many men “get it,” others deflect the pain.
They dismiss it by quoting the most vehement, categorical “man-hating” voices out there, and thereby invalidate “the whole movement.”
I have been running an online forum for men to discuss their feelings and responses to #MeToo and while many men “get it,” others deflect the pain.
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They don’t want to hear it because, as Warren Farrell has so searingly documented for years, men suffer profoundly as well, as boys, as men – also often silently, and feel no one gives a shit about them. They want to be heard first.
They diminish it by claiming that the term “toxic masculinity” is a bludgeon for “angry women” or “permanent victims” to take their revenge on men.
They get defensive because they instantly translate individual stories into totalizing accusations against all men and of course, because “I’m not Harvey,” they proudly strut away, clean hands and all.
And finally, perhaps most influential of all, men carry shadow thoughts about, and shadow pasts with women – like secret vials of poison hidden deep in our pockets – and so deflect this whole moment from a place of buried shame.
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The good news is that men, while often halting in their ability to face feminine pain, are capable of extraordinary heart and courage.
In my opinion, it requires two things…
First, that we come from a place of love and not shame.
And second, once that shame no longer clogs our ears and hardens our hearts, that we actually stop to listen and feel.
Feel what is real for women.
And then, also feel just how real and powerful our own noble hearts can be.
I created the Inspired Man Summit because I wanted men to meet and hear their brother leaders, teachers and mentors who are living bold, inspired, even noble lives.
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Yes, some men will step backward into old comforting archetypes of domination, separation, and cold-heartedness.
Other men wish to step forward.
They know, deep in their souls, in their bodies, that they are strong and wise enough to hear and absorb the pain of their sisters – and forge a noble path forward, ever wiser.
I created the Inspired Man Summit because I wanted men to meet and hear their brother leaders, teachers and mentors who are living bold, inspired, even noble lives.
I created the Inspired Man Summit to give men a lighthouse beam—actually several—to illuminate the possibility of being proudly masculine, which, in my opinion, eases their ability to navigate the waves of feminine pain and fury crashing through the culture.
I created the Inspired Man Summit to bring many, varied strong voices of masculine wisdom together in one place. . . .
To show that there are many ways of being a man who is inspired to create, to do great things, to serve, to build, to attune patiently and lovingly to women. . . .
To step up to this unique moment in history as a discerning, conscious, caring, open-eared, open-hearted human being.
There are many ways of being an inspired man living his unique masculine calling today.
Join us to meet some of these men. Click here to register for free.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Adam, Glad you’re doing that and you have some of the best people offering talks. Good luck. I hope it goes well and a lot of people get a chance to see these wonderful speakers. Come visit me at http://www.MenAlive.com to get a taste of my own work.