It’s finally here. Well. Almost. This is how you do it.
First Things First: The Sport of Football
As to football itself, here is our brief ‘Sports Explained’ video primer, as illustrated by a classic ‘Sports Goofy’ cartoon, where the “two teams resplendent in brilliant uniforms, create a riot of color and atmosphere unequaled by any other game on earth.” Sound familiar?!:
It’s all there: over-the-top commercialism, pageantry, raw athleticism, field general-ing, complex signal calling, coddling star players, brutal head injuries, drama, an inspirational halftime speech, MORE brutal head injuries, heroism, desperation, and #winning. Be dazzled – and then horrified – and then dazzled again by Swivel Hips Smith!!
Pre-Gaming: The Game Outside The Game:
But let’s be honest. (It is the best policy). Unless you are a rabid Seahawks or Patriots fan-type, you’re not really here for the sport of football itself, now are we? It is also important to come up to speed on all of the key story lines. The media has had two full weeks to work us into a frenzy by talking over and over and over about the on the field, but mostly off the field action. We can help:
Good Men Project Sports Sr. Super Bowl Correspondent, Wai Sallas, gives you everything you need to know and oh so much more in this epic rambling guide to the Super Bowl story lines, including answers to the four most frequently asked questions, six factoids to impress the guy in the retro football jersey (if you want to), five random facts for the casual fan, and five tidbits for those of you there just to watch the commercials (raise your hand…).
For those of you who want to get more advanced, and go deeper inside the story lines (impress your friends!), we’ve got you covered. That’s actually what we’ve been doing all week:
The pre-Super Bowl parties this week in Arizona, Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch’s stance on press conferences, Seattle cornerback Richard Sherman’s impending fatherhood, why New England pretty-boy QB Tom Brady is the guy so many love to hate, the nefarious subliminal power of the commercials (God, I’d really like to be munching on some Doritos, while sipping a Budweieser, all while hanging out tailgating in the bed of my all-American pickup truck right now…), why Super Bowl parties are awesome, and how you as a fan can actually control the outcome of the game by making a simple virgin sacrifice. Wait, what!? How’d that get in there!?
Oh right, and here is what we put together on “balls,” earlier this week:
“Sometimes the news gives you a gift. A gift from God. And so it was with Deflate-gate. This must be what Jon Stewart feels like every time he watched Bill O’Reilly. It’s like Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs in your footy pajamas. Or maybe more like hiding in the corner gorging yourself on salt-water taffy. At any rate, its been pretty sweet. Unlimited references to “balls” and “shrinkage.” Articles like this. Headlines like this:”
And for the record, making ballz jokes about the Super Bowl is not a new phenomenon. Men on Football have been doing this – and doing it brilliantly, I might add – for years:
The Basics for the Big Game:
1. A comfortable place to sit
3. And a VERY large television
That’s for all you Dallas Cowboy’s fans.
Some Final Tips: Get Comfortable, Enjoy The Company of Friends and Family and ‘Swing Those Pants Baby!’
Photo Credit(s): Cover/ Charlie Riedel—AP; SomeeCards, Friends/YouTube capture, Food/Scott Pham, Daily News.
Shout out to my ‘Sports Explained’ partner in crime Wai Sallas for his input on this one. And every one.