In Sunday Aikido practice, we trained on kaeshi-waza. Kaeshi-waza is the counter to the opponent’s technique, whereby they are thrown instead of you. We practiced reversing the Aikido technique applied on us.
In kaeshi-waza training, the nage, the one who throws, initiates the attack, not the uke, the one who takes the falls. I strike with shomen (open hand strike to the top of the uke’s head). The uke blocks my strike and applies kotegaeshi (wristlock) to me. I don’t oppose the kotegaeshi, don’t oppose the technique. I don’t resist. I go with the kotegaeshi. I stay open.
In kaeshi-waza, I match up with the uke. I apply kotegaeshi to myself as the uke applies the technique to me. We reverse positions. The uke is the attacker. I apply the technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s only me against me.
I stay open. I move with the uke and apply the technique to myself. The uke actually gives me the kotegaeshi. I stand my ground. I move straight and make the uke move around me. I’m in the center of the attack, in the danger. I don’t force the kotegaeshi. The uke gives me the kotegaeshi from whatever hand. I let the technique come to me. I throw the uke.
In a variation, I move and apply kotegaeshi to myself. I match the attack with yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) to the uke. Again, I throw the uke. The uke gives me the yoko-iriminage. I let the technique come to me. Stay open.
Kaeshi-waza is ebb and flow. The nage and uke attack each other back and forth. I don’t oppose the attack. If I defend, I can be defeated. I don’t aggress against aggression. I stand my ground in the center of the attack. I stay open. I let the technique come to me. The opponent gives me the technique. I apply the technique to myself. I believe that’s the purpose of Aikido. No attack. No Aikido. The best choice is not to attack, not to fight.
A friend calls me when she feels sad or depressed. Otherwise, she calls not so much. That’s my distinct value or not. Who knows? She only asks me for something when she’s down and sad. At least from where I stand that can occur as an attack. Still whoever attacks is asking for my help. I don’t defend. I don’t oppose. I invite. I stay open.
I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I have a say in what goes on inside me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. A possible resolution arises in the space between us. We let it come to us. I work on myself. Everything quiet inside. I stay open. I stand my ground. I invite whatever comes at me. That gives me the technique, the possible resolution. Nothing forced. Everything natural. Just train.
In Writer and Director Martin Brest’s Meet Joe Black, Anthony Hopkins played dying billionaire CEO Bill Parrish. Bill schools his daughter Susan, played by Claire Forlani, about falling in love:
Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I’m not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.
Susan facetiously exclaims, “Bravo!”
Bill replies, “Oh, you’re tough.”
Susan refrains, “Okay. I’m sorry. Give it to me, again. But the short version this time.”
Bill says, “Stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike.”
On my journey to fall madly and deeply in love with someone, who will love me the same way back, I’m not what women want. I’m 5’ 3”. I don’t look like Hugh Jackman or Keanu Reeves. I’m not handsome. I’m not exactly rich.
I work on myself, not on others. I try to be the best man I can be. That’s all I can do. I stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike.
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Photo by Viktor Forgacs on Unsplash