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A cute video has been going around social media that had me giggling with delight and nodding my head knowingly. It portrays two teams of people; four men on one and four women on the other. Each team is strapped onto a long, makeshift set of skis. The goal was to get from where they were standing over to a finish line. As you watch the clip, you will note an interesting dynamic. The men were laughing and stumbling, falling and not getting too far. The women were coasting along and easily got to the end of the course.
My observations: The men had beer cans in their hands, so intoxication may have been a factor in their inability to remain vertical, let alone complete the game. The women had their hands on each other’s shoulders as they glided along. The men were stomping their feet and falling over and off the skis. The women were all still standing. Both groups were laughing at their own and each other’s antics.
One of the thoughts that arose, was that although boys are more likely to play on a team than girls, they don’t all learn how to be team players. As a therapist who works with young kids as well as adults, we often talk about the importance of being part of a team, whether that is a family, a classroom, a sports activity or a job. One person’s commitment—or lack thereof—impacts the overall outcome. One person being ‘all in’ rather than cavalier, can make the difference between winning or losing. One person showing up for themselves and the team, fully present can herald success or signal failure. Each team member carries a responsibility to come up with solutions to challenges.
Another insight that came from this simple presentation was that when we lean on each other for support, we are better able to pull together. Without meaning to seem sexist, again it has been my observation that women are more often socialized to be of emotional support in ways that men are not. We have tended to call on each other in times of need. Certainly, there are men who have learned that valuable survival skill, but it is not culturally reinforced. Women are invited to move in harmony and alignment with each other, while men are encouraged to be independent operators, not wanting to seem as if they need others to get the job done.
In my teens, I was on a swim team and then coached for three summers into my 20’s. What I learned was that my team counted on me to show up and give it my all. If I practiced (which I did at daily throughout each summer), I would be better individually and for the rest of the team. When it came time to compete, I knew I would be ready. Slacking off was not a luxury.
I still consider myself a team player and know that when the collective wins, we each shine Let’s coast to the finish line together, shall we?
“Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”-Vince Lombardi
“Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.”- Casey Stengel
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Photo credit: Pixabay