When someone hurts you, obsessing over them is common. It’s easy to get caught up in fantasies of retribution and hope that the person will get what they “deserve.”
However, no amount of obsessing over a person will alleviate the pain. The way other people feel or react to a situation is beyond your control. It is almost impossible to get them to feel the same pain as you.
Keep in mind that you have also caused harm to others. It’s possible that other people are also obsessed with you.
As a result, the goal of this article is to assist you in learning how to stop obsessing over a person so that you can move on and let go permanently.
1. Focus on yourself.
Rather than obsessing over somebody, focus on yourself. We frequently stop investing in ourselves when we are enraged at an ex or someone who has caused us so much pain.
Our thoughts become entirely focused on the other person, which is not in our best interest. So, go to the gym, eat well, see a therapist, have fun, and live a good life. Life isn’t about suffering and pain. You are not required to torture yourself for a mistake made by someone else or even yourself.
Let yourself get better. It will be essential to find a strong support system so that you can carry out the necessary inner work.
Put an end to your self-pity; Here, no one is perfect. We all occasionally make mistakes. You allow yourself to have a positive impact on the world by focusing on improving yourself.
However, obsessing over another person breeds more hatred and suffering. Because you can no longer see the positive in the world around you, this makes everything you are going through more difficult.
2. Spend more time with friends.
Spending more time with friends or family is the quickest way to stop obsessing over someone. The people you love the most and who also love you will help you remember all the good things in this life. To forget about another person, all you need to do is make a good friend who will love and support you.
Existential crises frequently begin in our minds when we are alone at night. On the other hand, when you go to bed at night, your mind will be thinking about the fact that you spent the day having fun with people you care about. So, it’s important to distract yourself with good friends, good habits, and hobbies rather than repeating the same negative thoughts about a person and becoming irrational.
3. Accept the situation as it is.
We can’t change the past, no matter how upset we are. You can’t change how your ex treats you.
You can mentally replay the last few seconds a million times to uncover new patterns or errors.
However, the only perspective you will ever have on your experience will be your own. You will never know everything that happened. Stop trying to make sense of everything. Don’t continue to ask, “What’s wrong with me?”
All things being equal, center around this next section of your life. You need to start letting go of your past as well as your mistakes.
4. Allow karma to take care of itself without your involvement.
When someone hurts us, we frequently immediately think of getting our way. Some people will fantasize about taking someone else’s life and getting their way.
However, people are unaware that your actions will also have repercussions for you. Time demonstrates that karma resolves itself on its own. You don’t have to be someone else’s karma. You are not required to take vengeance on another person in any way.
Therefore, if someone cheats on you, they will eventually experience something that is just as painful for them as it is for you. The truth is that we all go through good and bad times in life. Throughout your life, you will experience rock bottom multiple times. The people who hurt you will also.
5. Seek professional assistance.
Sometimes, you need to seek professional assistance to stop obsessing over someone. When someone rejects you or leaves your life, it’s normal to be angry with them
Focusing solely on this, however, may result in obsessive behavior. Keep in mind that your worth is not determined by a single person. One person might dislike you, for instance, while another might think you’re the most extraordinary person alive.
Different values are held by each person. Therefore, don’t base your self-worth assessment on what other people think of you. It is unhealthy to obsess over a person as though they are the only one whose opinion is important.
Find a therapist who will teach you how to deal with ruminating thoughts that cause you to obsess over someone, help you regain your self-confidence, and remind you of what makes you great.
6. Avoid thinking about what they said over and over again.
Sometimes, we become obsessed with someone because something that they said sticks in our minds. We will unintentionally repeat that line to ourselves for decades, completely forgetting the sentence’s source.
We keep repeating the line to ourselves until it becomes ingrained in our senses and our story. It is normal for someone to hurt us with their words. But don’t let it stick in your head for years. Keep in mind that you have also offended other people in the heat of the moment. Even if we believe that some aspects of it are true, there is no need for us to internalize something hateful about ourselves.
A hateful sentence doesn’t need to become your identity. Every person grows and changes. Learn from it as well.
7. Keep in mind your worth.
When you think about the kind of person you want to be, what do you imagine? Do you imagine that you are a small, calculating, vengeful person who is mired in resentment and refuses to find happiness and inner peace in your life?
Or do you envision yourself making an investment in your development, bouncing back like a pro, and evolving into a version of yourself that is so exceptional that others realize what they have missed out on?
Your worth is decided by you. Additionally, you have complete control over your life’s course. It is such a low-class way to live to obsess over someone.
Do you hat someone who excels in life obsesses over someone? Nope. They are living their best lives too much. The same is true of you. So construct yourself back up from this mishap. You were meant to be great. Don’t act like a minor.
8. Meditate.
Guided meditation can help you control your obsessional feelings. Fixating on somebody assumes control over your psyche. Through meditation, you can observe your thoughts on a more conscious level to determine the type of thinking you are engaging in.
You can work toward resolving your problems by becoming aware of the types of obsessive thoughts you are having. Your thoughts will become reality when you use your mind.
The experience of what you make of life is everything. You don’t live for the people around you; You are your boss. Let go of the hurt you were caused by another person and treat your mind well.
Instead of dwelling on the hatred of another person, your thoughts should be directed toward improving yourself. You can get started with meditation.
9. Forgive them.
Forgiving someone is one of the best ways to stop obsessing over them. Now, this does not necessitate inviting them over and pretending nothing happened. You don’t even have to tell them that you’re sorry.
This could merely be a mental check-in. You might think, “I forgive you, and now I’ll let go,” to yourself. It’s normal to hear from someone months or years later something that makes you think of them or something they said. You might even experience a brief moment of rage. Even so, you’re still human.
Gaining peace of mind so that you can move on to the next phase of your life is the goal of self-forgiveness.
10. If you have to, block them.
Getting a clean break from someone can sometimes help you move on. A great way to end a bad relationship and close that chapter is to block them on social media so you can move on.
Move on, block, and delete. You are not required to know whether they are content. It is not necessary to receive life status updates. You are not benefiting in any way from comparing yourself to them.
In life, there are no winners or losers. Bad days will happen to you just like they will. Everyone experiences unexpected setbacks in their lives.
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Final notes.
Find the source of the discomfort or what has exactly led you to this perpetual forgetfulness of yourself.
If you want to learn how to stop obsessing over a person, you must first identify the source of the discomfort. Although it may appear straightforward, our minds frequently employ mental blocks to obstruct our ability to comprehend the significance of a traumatic event. For instance, if someone cheated on you, it’s easy to believe that the hurt comes from the cheating. Notwithstanding, it goes a lot further.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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