This morning I got up at 6 am, savored a cup of gourmet coffee, filled my hydration pack to the brim, and took a ten-mile bike ride with a friend whose radiant energy would light up Alaska’s darkness in a flash.
I’ve been sitting on these twelve questions for over a year now. After clearing my head, settling my heart, and igniting my quads on that soul-regulating bike ride, I’m ready to write.
I invite you to do the same on this beautiful Sunday morning if this piece moves you.
1.) What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
First, I’d quit my job and drop out of medical assistant school. Then I’d buy myself (and the person behind me) a medium pumpkin latte and sit my happy little ass at my favorite coffee shop as I basked in the glory and gratitude of being a full-time writer.
2.) Who thinks you’re beautiful when you wake up in the morning?
With all my heart, I want to answer this with, I. I think I’m beautiful when I wake up in the morning. But seven months deep into a divorce, I must say, I’m still working on this one.
3.) How are you, really?
I’ve been holding my breath for the last seven months. Today, I’m not only breathing again, but my chest feels lighter. My kids are safe and healthy. So am I. I’m doing better than I was seven months ago, and I’m looking forward to saying the same thing in seven more months.
4.) How would you behave if you were the best in the world at what you do?
I wouldn’t behave any differently than I do now. Whether I’m terrible or the best in the world at something — I want to make you feel good.
5.) Are you finding your dream job or are you creating it?
Can I throw you for a loop? I’m doing both. I’m working and gaining years of experience in the medical field, I’m going to school for higher education in that field, and I’m dusting off parts of myself that were dormant for way too long. If all else fails, I’m making up the rest as I go.
6.) If there was a solution to your anxiety, how would it look like?
My solution to anxiety looks like this:
7.) When was the last time you did something for the first time?
I used to be confident, charismatic, and full of life. That part of me disappeared for a while. Today is the first time I’ve seen that woman in almost ten years.
And I like her — a lot.
8.) What would Beyonce do?
I give zero fucks about what Beyonce would do now or ever. However, this question made my wheels turn once I replaced Beyonce with Grandma.
What would grandma do?…
Both of my grandmothers were phenomenal women; however, there’s one story surfacing for me right now. That one time, my grandma got trapped in a public restroom.
She called out for help, but no one could hear her. When she had waited long enough for someone to rescue her, she kicked the door down and broke free.
What Would Grandma Do (if she was going through a divorce right now)?
She’d kick doors down, get out (into the world) and rescue herself.
My sentiments exactly.
9.) What if there was a ______ that could ______?
If there were a time machine that could take me back twenty years to the day before I met my ex-husband, I would jump in and buckle up in a millisecond. I want to be the woman that says, “I have no regrets because I am the woman I am today because of my past.” The truth is, I’m still standing in a steaming heap of pain and fighting to become the woman I want to be.
I’ll get there. In the meantime, daydreaming about erasing it all before it began is fleeting but a remedy none-the-less.
10.) Why are you worth knowing?
I’m kind, empathetic (to a fault), hilarious, play a mean “G” chord, and will love you as you’ve never been loved before.
11.) What or who lights you up?
My kids (and their kung-fu fights), my family and friends, an eight-to-ten-mile bike ride, an intense workout with banter and box jumps, and writing my heart out on a Sunday morning.
12.) How do you treat people that can do nothing for you?
“All you need is Love.” — John Lennon
Previously Published on Medium