I am about to celebrate the anniversary of the day that I became a dad: September 24, 2011. For eleven years now, I have been a dad. Interestingly enough, though, that date is not the birthday of any of my four boys. No. That is the day that I got married.
Isn’t this supposed to be about becoming a dad? Yes, it is. And that is why I am talking about my wedding day, because that is the day that I became a father.
You see, the day that I got married, I not only became a husband, but I also became a step-father to a then 5-year old boy named Joey. I know that in today’s world, marrying into a blended family is more and more common, but that does not make that transition into fatherhood any less significant than becoming a father by though childbirth.
As I approached my marriage and subsequent fatherhood, I had so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart. That was a pretty big step, reaching two huge life milestones on the same day – getting married and becoming a parent. Was I prepared to be a parent? Probably no more than anyone else is when they are about to become a parent. I decided that day was going to be not just a day about me and my wife, but about the fact that we were now a whole family unit and we would spend the rest of our lives making sure we demonstrated the importance of family togetherness.
Fast forward a few years, and my second son, Ezekiel, was born. He would grow up to be diagnosed with Leukemia and beat it, giving us the wildest handful of years in our lives. Then a few years later and my third son, MacGyver (yes, I know, super awesome, right?!?!) was born. A wild little red head with a penchant for adventure and excitement (much like his name-twin from the sweet 80s TV show). And then fast forward another few years, and our fourth and final son, Curtis, was born. Another little fiery redhead with a heart of gold and a desire to encourage.
With each of these new moments of becoming a father, new emotions emerged. With Joey, my initiation into fatherhood, I was frequently doing my best to be the dad who was present, as I knew he needed that, as any young boy does. And as each new boy was born, I found it harder and harder to be the ever-present father I wished I had, that I hoped I could be.
Now, about to celebrate my eleventh anniversary of becoming a father (and, of course, my eleventh year of being married to my wonderful wife!!), I look back on the growth, the setbacks, the turmoil, the triumph, the excitement, and the disappointment I have faced as a father. And I have to say, I am truly stoked to have been able to do it all. Even the bad days were still days that I could lie down at night and be thankful to God for the gift of children in my life and under my care.
As I mentioned in a recent post, a huge part of being a parent is simply showing up, and I think that is something that I’d like to pass on to my boys as one of the most important things to learn how to do in life. It doesn’t matter if it is school, work, family, sports, or anything else, if you can learn to show up and be present, that is half the battle. I believe it was the amazing Wayne Gretzky who said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take (then also accredited to Michael Scott, for any fans of The Office, out there). And that is entirely applicable in every avenue of life.
If there is anything I want my boys growing up knowing and practicing, it is the art of showing up, as I mentioned in my previous post. Life can be great, or life can be disastrous, but if we continue to show up, things will eventually get better and we will be blessed to eventually learn and therefore to then also grow. There are a few things that I wish to be remembered for in this life, and I would hope that I could pass the importance of those things down to my boys.
- I want the world, but specifically my boys, to see me as a man who desired to be honest, caring, polite, loving, and an ambassador of the Gospel of Christ. I would hope that I set that example of a God-fearing and honoring man that my boys would look up to and see more than just their dad, but a man after God’s heart.
- I want my boys to see that even on the days that were not easy, through the fire and flames of life’s unpleasant circumstances, I still was a man faithful to show up, take care of his family, and honor them in my actions and words.
- Finally, I would hope that when my time comes and I am leaving this world, that my boys would look back on my life and see examples of integrity, peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control. That they would see the Spirit in me and have that be the testimony that I leave with them to live and learn from.
All that to say, I became a dad several times in my life (four times is, in my opinion, at least, a lot), and each time held it’s own unique feeling of fear and anxiety and even moments of dread. But at the same time, each and every single time, they were also opportunities for me to feel the excitement and unadulterated joy of receiving the blessing of becoming a father.
With all these years of parenting under my belt, do I have it all together as a dad? Not even close. It’s actually quite laughable how not close it is. I am horrifically flawed as a father. But it is in those moments of flawed parenting when I have experienced the greatest joys as a father – the unconditional love from my boys. They never cared (maybe they care a little now that they are older) if I was perfect, they just wanted me.
As their father, then, that is exactly what I plan to give them for the rest of my days – me.
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