Jacqueline Stone is in love with a good man. Here are 8 things she’s learning about what “good” really means to her.
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I’ve been extremely quiet here lately, mostly due to the fact that my life has gotten bigger and better than ever. Business is booming and my love life is blossoming. I’ve also been hesitant to pour my heart out on paper as my beau is quite shy and I’m respectful of his privacy. But all the articles I’ve seen on this fabulous site in the past month made me want to weigh in on what it I believe it means to be a good man.
They aren’t scared to have a dance party in the living room, sing their lungs out in the car, or send a ridiculously goofy emoticon via text.
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THIS is “the conversation no one is having.” In a media culture driven by sex tapes and scandals, no one thought a site talking about “good men” stood a chance. Yet now we are one of the fastest growing media companies in the United States. The people have spoken, and they want to be part of this conversation about the goodness in men, and how we can bring more good into the world.
Until recently, I felt I didn’t have much personal experience to share about the subject, except from inspirational client tales and from the wounds of my own broken heart. That is, until I met a really good man who helped me believe in magic again and is teaching me what it means to be good – whether you are a man or wo-man. Here are some of the ways he sets an example that I hope to follow:
1.) It’s the little things. A lavender sleep patch when someone can’t sleep, a few meaningful words of encouragement, running out to buy milk in the early hours of the morning when two grumps raided the ‘fridge to find none. Little moments are really what life is all about and when they are graced with kindness and thoughtfulness they add up quickly to meaning and joy.
2.) Never be afraid to say sorry. He’d rather be happy than be right, for he realizes anyone who fights their point to the death really is the one losing the battle. Every good couple, even the greats, are going to fight. We’re human, not robots. But when you meet the other with compassion and understanding it’s a victory had by all.
3.) There’s strength in silence. Me and my dream man have had many a bump in the road in the short time we’ve known each other. There have been funerals, hospital scares, gravesite visits, and other emotional pitfalls. Sometimes to be a good man all you need to do is just sit there in silence to let someone know you are there for them. A gentle touch or a cuddle goes a long way.
4.) Silliness is woven into the D.N.A. fabric of good. Good men don’t take themselves too seriously. They ooze confidence (note, not cockiness) so accidentally making a fool of themselves is never feared. They aren’t scared to have a dance party in the living room, sing their lungs out in the car, or send a ridiculously goofy emoticon via text.
5.) Strong women don’t scare them. Many a man I’ve dated in the past pretended he was OK with my strong entrepreneurial spirit, but it takes a true man of character to really appreciate a fierce woman with big dreams. Not only does my good man recognize my efforts, but he champions them. He’s my biggest fan and I’m definitely the President of his fan club as well.
6.) Sentimental is essential. There is this big myth that a good man needs to be tough and stoic. I just call a spade a spade: emotionally unavailable isn’t going to do it for me. My good man is in touch with his emotions, is self-aware, and isn’t scared to have some uncomfortable conversations.
7.) There’s magic in the mundane. My good man is teaching me all about the great skill of listening. I tell him something once and it’s done. I’ve never seen anything like it and have a feeling he might be an exception to the norm (thank you Universe). A call for certain household chores is met with grace and gusto. There are no complaints when it’s a team effort. When everyone pitches in it can be oddly romantic and a deeply satisfying part of a relationship that I never knew was missing. Who knew doing the dishes could create so many peaceful vibes?
8.) Good men are beautiful. They have a softness and strength to their soul that is difficult to describe. My good man opens doors for strollers and makes babies giggle. He helps bring the groceries upstairs. He puts me to bed when my stomach is upset. He makes me feel safe and free all at once. His very presence is the room evokes a smile.
Maybe this is not everyone’s experience with a good man, but this is mine. He inspires me on the daily to do good and to follow his powerful example. Who knows what our future holds, but even if he’s only in my life for a short while he’s taught me so much. Good men do exist, and believe me, they are worth waiting for.
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Photo: Getty Images
Jacqueline — He sounds wonderful. Those things are all important and attractive to me, too. In fact, may I link to this article in my (as yet to be written) dating site profile, in the “What are you looking for?” section? 🙂
Jacqueline:
Ditto to what Jed said. Many of the traits of the good man you are describing are invisible to the larger world and therefore don’t earn many “man points” ( we place too much stock in rating and ranking). It takes a special woman who tries to see the good rather than focus on inadequacies.
Jacqueline,
Thanks for sharing your experience. Too much is written about what’s wrong with men and why men aren’t doing the right things in relationships. Its nice to hear what’s right. I think there are many, many good relationships, but too few people share the intimate details of what is good and right and loving. Little things mean a lot, and sharing the details, gives us all hope.