The Four Upsides of a Breakup

There’s a glimmer of light in every dark tunnel. But you won’t see it until you’re close to the exit.

Breakups sometimes feel so bad you wonder how any good can come out of this situation. You don’t have to wait until you’re finding fresh reasons to smile to know about breakup silver linings. You can learn about them today, in a few quick seconds from now.

Breakups are a mash of the good and the not-so-great. The pretext about breakups is negative, so you label it as the worst thing to happen to you. But I’m here to paint a different picture. Will you grab a paintbrush and join me?

1. The best invisible gift from your ex.

Romance novels and movies make people believe all dates are the same. They are handsome, successful, and have a wealthy family.

They’ll have you expecting volcanic fights because your feelings are intense. You want your partner to have exemplary social skills with fantastic bedroom moves. If they don’t have these qualities, he isn’t the one for you.

You’ll leave him, and this past date will only help you confirm feelings for your new love. It’s a good thing we have reality to quell our ridiculous assumptions. High expectations always disappoint. It’s better to understand your love language and know what you deserve.

Breakups help you define what you want and don’t want in a partner. One of the best things you’ll ever walk away from a relationship with is clarity.

2. You leave the playfield and stand on the sidelines with familiar characters.

When you’re in a relationship, you want privacy with your partner. You crave intimate moments. You want to spend most of your time with them.

Sometimes, the need for closeness is borderline obsessive. Your partner talks you out of spending time with other people. You cut people off. It’s only you and this person doing almost everything together.

They convince you to see things their way and to loosen up, and you lose sight of your priorities. Things that once mattered don’t. You care about their interests and compromise to suit them. You settle.

Breakups force you to stop making the best of the situation you’re in right now. It makes you reevaluate your goals, actions, and plans. Your time becomes accessible to your friends and family again. You get another chance to focus on what matters in your life.

3. You become a little softer.

Of course, you tell people you have a partner when they seem very nice. But you can go about the rejection with more harshness than necessary.

There are times you didn’t feel a spark and ghosted your date. Or you decide to friend-zone someone without a talk about your non-existent feelings. Yet, you never felt bad or thought about it afterward.

People like to think breakups harden our hearts. But this isn’t always the case. Breakups teach us to remember there is a person at the receiving end of our words and actions. Especially when your ex ghosts you. This lack of closure makes you remember all the times you were selfish to love interests for no reason. It makes you more empathetic to others and mindful of what people are going through.

It’s a reminder to treat people how you want others to treat you. Hearts aren’t a game. It’s a reminder to be nice on the dating scene. Leave people better than you met them.

4. The best benefit saved for last

Not all relationships are pleasant. Sometimes, you are better off single or with someone else. Under their influence, you grow to accept their definition of yourself. Your abilities and your position in society because you internalize this message daily.

We are a product of our environment. Breakups give you the ability to refine yourself. Taraji P. Henson is still missing a piece of her lip to this day. But she has made so much of herself since then. If you can escape the negative influence of your partner, you can achieve anything.

There’s no narrative to tell you otherwise. You define your identity. Your story is yours, and you can change the plot if it’s going off the rails. Breakups create voids for fresh energies to enter your life.

So, if you’re going through a breakup and wondering about feeling good again, you will. It’s not all depression and loving no one ever again. It’s an opportunity to:

– clarify your love language and ideal partner attributes

– rekindle friendships

– rediscover your empathy

– and define your life without external influence.

This clarity comes with time, healing, and therapy.

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Previously Published on medium

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