Gluten tag meu amigo, tis I, back once again to give you tips to be ghosted less and dated more. Let’s get cracking.
You ready?
Here come the pain!
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1: Never mention her beauty
The world at large tells you to shower women with gushing praise for their looks, but this is a terrible idea. Every man does this, but unless a woman’s REALLY into you, it just becomes meaningless white noise.
Think back to your past dating app chats and ask yourself how well that’s gone for you. Exactly, not well at all.
All the other men in her inbox are fawning over her looks, so you must stand out from the pack. And a great way of doing that is to ignore them entirely and speak about things relevant to her as a person.
That’s why I sent that opening message. This woman had a prompt on her profile about not wanting to meet men who were intimidated by her education, which was an ideal talking point.
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2: Have intriguing conversational bait on your profile
As you can see, she asked about my book (as all women do) and why? Because it’s highly unusual. How many men do you think she’s seen on Hinge who are writing erotic thrillers? Clearly none, so seeing that made me fascinating and novel.
It also subcommunicated a few things. For instance, if I’m writing an erotic novel, I’m probably a creative and sexual person she’d have a fun time with beneath the sheets. I haven’t, of course, said that directly and hence come off crass or try-hard, but it’s indirectly implied.
So, what’s interesting about you, and what can you imply about yourself on your profile? Like I said in the post below, dating is like business. You’re in a highly competitive marketplace and must stand out to succeed.
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3: Be original and creative
This woman had a prompt on her profile which said that dating her was like heaven. I told her to change it to:
Dating me is like Gillette, the best a man can get.
For those who don’t know, this is the slogan for a famous men’s grooming brand in the UK. She found that hilarious because of how well it aligned with what she’d already written. I then told her she owed me one, and she asked how I could repay her, so I said:
Send me an eleven-digit number that begins with 07.
For those outside the UK, our phone numbers start with 07 and have eleven digits, so this was a creative way of asking for her number. She found that hilarious and sent them across.
Try to be creative. Your goal isn’t to have a 2+2=4 conversation in which all pertinent information is logically distributed. It’s to have a fun chat that brightens your day as well as hers.
Like I said before, you need to stand out from the pack, and you’ll do so by being creative in your approach. It’s better to try something witty, fall flat on your face, and learn from the experience than play it safe, bore her, lose her, and learn nothing.
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4: Be real with her
As you can see, this woman is very expressive with her texting and constantly responds “hahahahahahahaha”. This didn’t appear genuine to me, so I mentioned it. You don’t want to be a suck-up or kiss-ass. She needs to know and feel like you’re an entity with a spine who will call out BS when she sees it.
Women don’t respect men who can’t do that, so little things like this are great subtle hints to your character.
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5: Have an air of mystery
At some point, she asked what I was doing, and I said:
Fighting crime.
Under a GIF of Batman and Robin. Not only was that a funny way to answer her question (which she obviously knew wasn’t true), but I didn’t directly say what I was doing.
I kept an air of mystery.
Something to know is that the more of a complete open book you are, the less intriguing and compelling you’ll be. It’s far more attractive for her to wonder what you’re into than to know:
OK, it’s 8pm, so he’s just gotten home from the gym and is watching Breaking Bad on Netflix.
Have an air of mystery and let her work to be let into your inner world. People don’t appreciate what they don’t have to earn.
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6: Don’t take it so seriously
She asked what my favourite food was, so I told her I was addicted to Thai. I then said:
If you’re not willing to accept me as I am, flaws and all this isn’t going to work.
Which she found hilarious. But was I being even slightly serious? Of course not. I don’t have a Thai food addiction (though it is my favourite), and to be honest, I could care less if she accepts it or not.
Still, framing it as a personality defect I’m taking to the grave and hence need a partner to embrace is fun. Women tend to love little bits of silly roleplay like that.
For instance, she laughed maniacally at that, so I said:
If you don’t laugh that hysterically on our date, I’m sneaking out of the restaurant and unfriending you.
She laughed again and asked if it was a threat, so I said:
Indeed, glad we have an understanding,
We’re not having a logical conversation at all. I clearly wasn’t going to leave her stranded in the restaurant if her in-person laugh didn’t match her textual one, but it was fun to say. It was a bit silly and gave her a great idea of how we would have bantered back and forth in person.
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7: Get her on the phone
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said this, but only 7% of your communication comes through the specific words you say to someone. 38% comes from your vocal tone, and 55% from your body language.
This means that when you’re messaging a woman, she’s getting a tiny percentage of who you really are and is likely to misinterpret things or get bored and ghost you.
By speaking to you on the phone (which requires very little investment), she can get a better feel for you and the vibe you guys will share.
You’ll also find that if your call goes well, she’s almost sure to agree to and actually turn up to a date with you. And why wouldn’t she? She has first-hand proof that you guys get on and that you’re a cool guy.
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Extra bonus tip: Practice, practice, practice
Being an expert texter is, like anything in life, down to practice. You need to practice to get good at it and to maintain the skill.
For instance, if I’ve been dating someone for a few months and haven’t been on dating apps for a while, I’m always rusty when I jump back on them.
I’ll be ghosted way more than usual and get very lukewarm responses from women because I’ve lost my instincts for guiding and accessing the flow of a conversation.
So then, like a footballer returning from injury, I need a week or two to get to match fitness.
Don’t expect this skill to be something you nail in an afternoon because it isn’t. It takes time to reach the promised land, so dive in, practice, and be kind to yourself. You got this.
Ciao for now.
Excelsior!
Ciaran
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: René Ranisch on Unsplash