The Men’s Guide to Relationships

 

My first crush was at 14. My first heartbreak came at 23.

In between were games and flings. But past 23, love and life roughened a bit. During my play days, a cousin said to me, “enjoy while it last. cos a time will come when you need them, they’ll be wanting to you.”

Like a prophecy, it came true.

When I said, no more games, it was like the universe said, “it’s payback time.”

Since then, the table has turned and my love life has been a rollercoaster. That isn’t your bore but mine.

Cos there’s a lot to say. Stories to tell. But all are lessons learned.

So from my life’s experience, here are my two cents for you.

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Value before love.

In society, we think power is tyrannical and evil. It’s not! Rather, it’s being able to influence your life and its surrounding. And the only way you gain influence is to become a person of value. A person who cannot be ignored.

Women are attracted to men with power and influence. Men with prestige. It’s not about being famous. It’s about commanding respect and influence as a person of worth.

While the promise of love is sweet, don’t neglect to invest in yourself. Focus first on building and increasing your social and financial potential.

Invest in skills. Build capacity. Get a degree. And pursue your dream.

Work on your health. Eat well. Hit the gym and get in shape.

Develop a good sense of self. Build your self-worth and create a healthy self-image. How you feel about yourself will influence the kind of people you feel you deserve.

By having your shit together, you bring more value to the relationship. It also helps to keep from using your partner as a mirror of your self-worth.

Win her heart, all else will be added.

If the goal is to find a woman worth building with then forget the hookups and one-night stands. They’re just temporary fun with permanent psychological and spiritual implications.

Focus on winning a woman’s heart. That’s where the real good lies. Her loyalty. Her love. Her feminine blessings. Don’t you know blessed is he who finds a wife, for he obtains favor of the LORD?

For you’re not a man because you got laid. Don’t you know sex is cheap?

What makes you a man is to show her the depth of your character. Your values and what promises being in a committed relationship with you hold. Your vision and zest for life.

Like her, before you love her.

Anyone can say, “I love you,” but not everyone knows what it means. Love isn’t just a feeling. It goes beyond the excitement of hormones and butterflies in your belly.

Love is commitment.

It’s why your love will only be as good as your character.

So never say you love her until you really like her personality. Sometimes we devalue ‘like.’ Because love sounds grand, we assume it’s the best word to use. No, it’s not.

Like is important. You might love someone, but not really like their personality. Now your love is false. Because you’re mistaking attraction for love.

If you’re not into a person’s temperament, how can say you love them? However, this doesn’t mean you must like everything about a person. No one can. Cos no one is that perfect.

Regardless it’s not about cherry-picking what to like. It’s about acceptance. Accepting them despite their odd sides.

This is why we like because……. and when like evolves, we then love in spite…..

If love is a commitment, a Relationship is an investment.

Your relationship is a huge part of your life. As well as the person you choose to be with. It’s important, therefore, to put a little bit of thought into who you date. As a matter of fact, put a lot more thought into it.

For time spent is forever gone. Therefore, spend wisely.

Don’t be a serial dater, claiming to be testing the water. Be a gentleman. A wise one. And not a man-whore.

Life is nothing but time and energy. So wherever or whomever you give these two, you’re giving them your life.

Think, therefore, before your leap. If you can’t make her a wife, why make her a mother? If you wouldn’t want to wake up to her in two years, why lay with her?

Be intentional about what you invest your time and energy in. The goal is a good return on investment.

Sex is a learnable art.

In a relationship, sex is important.

We all have sexual urges, which means we all have sexual desires and needs. Needs that if they’re not meant, can hurt a relationship. Regardless of how good you have it going.

So you must pay attention to your sexual life.

Whether you think love is a spiritual experience or a gymnastic activity, one thing to know is that it’s learnable. Great sex is a product of paying great attention to your partner.

It isn’t an experience that falls from the sky.

It’s something you learn and gets better at. And that’s the good news. So wherever you’re at right now, good or bad, you can learn and improve.

An ideal man isn’t just a gentleman in a suit but also in bed. He’s willing to satisfy his woman, even if that involves listening to her and learning what turns her on.

Humility is the secret to a long relationship.

Lastly, remember when we say your love is only as strong as your character?

This is where it comes in.

The health of your relationship depends on how you handle challenges. Cos there will be challenges. No doubt. But that isn’t what decides the relationship. It’s your character and maturity that does.

Humility is underrated.

I cannot count how many relationships I’ve seen that pride destroyed. Or how many couples I see struggle simply because they lack humility.

I understand that issues can be deep. And sometimes even tough. But when you have the ability to put aside your ego, sit with your woman, and seek to resolve your issues humbly, there’s hardly anything you both can’t survive. At least, as long as it doesn’t involve infidelity.

Don’t be a man who for the sake of appearing macho, cannot put aside his ego and be sensitive enough to accept his wrong and apologize to his woman.

Because it takes more strength to admit a fault. And it’s such strength that makes you a man. Better yet, it sets you as a good role model for raising a family.

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The Dummie’s Guide To Relationships For Women. Coming soon!

In the meantime, you should see the, “6 Signs You’re Not Their First Choice.”

Also, you can join Medium to read millions of similar stories using my referral link.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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