The Most Offensive Guy in a Bar

My friend and I went to grab a late lunch. We had no desire to be out for the night. It was going pretty well until three men sat down next to us. They were friendly.

We reciprocated.

It wasn’t threatening.

It was late afternoon and hardly a party scene.

I knew other people at this restaurant/bar and spoke to them. I had work to do when I got back home and so did my friend. You get the point. This wasn’t a social day or night.

I left to walk to the restroom.

On my way, one of the guys we know voiced his apprehension.

He didn’t like the men sitting next to us. I took what he said seriously because a few nights ago he had intervened when another man approached me a little aggressively.

“You girls okay?”

“It’s fine,” I said. “They’re harmless.”

He listened to me.

I live in a small town center. It makes it extremely easy to grab coffee, a drink, or something to eat. It also keeps us somewhat protected. We all know each other.

I returned to my seat.

One of the three men approached me.

“You’re beautiful.”

If only men knew those words mean nothing. Especially in a bar setting. Some women may take them seriously but I never have. I gave him a zero response.

He walked beyond me and back to his buddies.

He’d had a lot to drink and was loud.

I was seated next to him and his friends.

It was hard to drown out the noise because my friend had gone to the restroom and no longer insulated us. I listened while his frat boy self gave his friends a commentary.

“She’s beautiful, right?”

They nod

“But did you see her………”

This is where I refuse to dramatize his version of my body.

I get it.

I’ve had the same body my entire life. I might have several pounds on me since my divorce but I’ve always been shapely. I try to minimize that upper aspect of me.

I realize some women have surgery to enhance it.

But when you’re born with it, it can make you feel the desire to minimize it.

It can make you feel heavier.

It can make you feel like they walk into the room before you. I understand some women wish they’d been born with it. But for many of us, we know it’s not that simple.

I’m a lover, not a fighter.

There have been few times in my life when the F.U. in me emerges.

This was one of those times.

I was ticked off.

I was aggravated. I don’t like men who speak like that. And word to men…if you do want to talk about different aspects of a woman’s body…keep it in the locker room.

Not within a woman’s earshot.

“I heard what you said.”

“Wait, what?” he innocently injected.

“I heard what you said. It’s not attractive. Men who speak like that about a woman are offensive. I’m just telling you that next time you need to lower your volume so the woman you’re talking about doesn’t hear you because she’s not going to like it.”

After one more apology…

He sheepishly walked away.

The bartender knew that something had happened. They know us since it’s a small town. I dismissed it. I said it was fine and that he’s probably not a bad guy, he’s just had too much to drink.

He took his cue and went to the other side of the bar.

All was right with the world.

Until he rounded the corner and made his way back to me.

I didn’t have to respond to the most offensive guy in the bar.

I didn’t need to tell him what was offensive to a woman. I didn’t need to remind him he wasn’t ‘out with the guys’ but in mixed company.

The bartender was ahead of me.

He opened his mouth.

But he was corrected.

“We don’t speak about women like that around here,” said the bartender. “You might want to take it elsewhere.”

Some men don’t understand respect.

But the guys I know do.

It gives a girl hope.