It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
~Leonardo da Vinci
In my writing seminar course for college freshmen, I always start the semester with a class on goal setting and expectations. My message to the students is simple: the best way to achieve a goal is to identify the mini-steps needed to reach that goal.
For example, if a student’s goal is a 4.0 GPA, their mini-steps might be to attend all classes, to finish assignments on time, to meet regularly with professors, to plan study hours, even to eat well and to get good sleep. I always espouse that mini-steps such as these are more important, more meaningful, and more rewarding, than the realization of the goal. The journey, so to speak, is everything. It’s where the “magic” happens. As the great writer Robert Louis Stevenson advised: “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.”
But many of my students share that starting the journey is the issue; that they procrastinate too much. And so they often give as a goal a desire to stop putting off things they need to do – to not wait until the proverbial last minute to complete homework, to prepare for an exam, or to finish a project, for examples.
When a student does identify as a procrastinator, I’ll immediately ask if they are also a perfectionist. Invariably, the answer is yes. This leads to a conversation on the connection. I call it the three P’s. The desire to be Perfect adds extra Pressure that is relieved by Procrastination. A more nuanced explanation is provided in this excerpt from an article in Psyche Central (“Procrastination is Really Perfectionism”):
“Perfectionists hold themselves to incredibly high standards, accepting nothing but the best from themselves. Since they are putting such pressure on themselves, perfectionists will often procrastinate and not start a project or task because of the fear they have of not being able to achieve perfection. If it can’t be done perfectly, they would rather just not start at all. In their subconscious mind, they would rather not do something than do it and getting results that don’t add up to their very high standards. They don’t want to risk the chance of having the outcome wind up imperfect. In the perfectionist’s mind, it is a better alternative to not do something than to do something and have the result or outcome be of a lower quality or standard than they set for themselves.”
But recently, in a give-and-take with a particular student struggling with procrastination, he did not think himself a perfectionist. Just the opposite. Basically, he felt he was “just lazy.” I didn’t buy it as an explanation, or, more aptly, I didn’t want to buy it as an explanation. Yet, I also didn’t want to summarily discount this student’s sense of self, even if it was not a positive one. I needed time to think about laziness, to explore its relationship to procrastination, and to uncover its emotional roots. And I needed help to do so. Enter Jason Kurtz, a leading psychoanalyst, mediator and author. I told Jason about my student, what we were discussing, and my questions. He responded:
“This is something I often talk to clients about. There is no such thing as procrastination. If you want to do something, you do it. Do you procrastinate when it comes fishing? Or watching football? Or doing anything you enjoy doing? The answer is certainly no.
Procrastination happens for one of two reasons. Either, you don’t really want to do something, like exercise, or meet your mother-in-law, or do the work assignment, or you don’t think you can do it well. i.e. not perfectly.
Children are frequently forced to do things they don’t want to do, don’t know how to do, or don’t believe they can do. This is why they procrastinate. From the outside it can look lazy, but it’s really something else.
In this way, procrastination is not necessarily a negative trait. Like every feeling, it provides you with valuable information. Either you don’t really want do to this thing, you don’t know how to do it, or you don’t believe you can do it. If you don’t want to do it, then it’s worth evaluating whether you should be pressuring yourself to do it. Maybe it’s not a goal you want/should have. If you don’t know how or are worried that you can’t do it, then you should evaluate this. Is it something you want to learn how to do? Is it something that is important for you to try to do? Maybe you need to push yourself to work past this feeling?
Calling oneself lazy misses the important process of discovering what this feeling is telling you about the activity you are avoiding. Saying we’re lazy avoids our having to grapple with the underlying issues.”
I like this. It fits with my growing mindset that our emotions are always helpful, especially when they are painful. They are signals, guideposts, even alarm-bells. When we listen to their call, when we embrace them and not run from them, our emotions will lead us well. Our emotions will help us reach our goals. Better yet, start on them.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock