The Real Reasons Why Men End Relationships Too Soon

Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you:

You finally meet Prince Charming, and it feels like a match made in heaven. You’re sure he’s your perfect match. You daydream about your home, hurdled by the fireplace with your adorable tots and a furry friend. You envision yourselves old and grey, sipping hot chocolate, rocking chairs, and watching the sun go to sleep on the horizon.

Life is pure bliss.

And then, blam! It all comes to a screeching halt. Prince Charming sneaks out your life like a thief in the night. The phone goes silent. The texts cease. You scratch your head and wonder if this is real.

No! You tell yourself. It’s just a nasty dream that I’ll wake up from.

Only you don’t.

The dude is really gone, and worse, he’s taken your dreams with him!

But wait…You were only getting started. The relationship was still finding its feet. You were the perfect chick. What the heck happened?

You did everything right. Did you, though?

Are you sure you didn’t commit one of these deal breakers? I’ll let you decide for yourself.

You can’t have civilized disagreements.

One of the things a man wants to know before committing to a woman is how emotionally mature she is. No man has time to deal with someone who is constantly exploding like a grenade at the slightest argument, shouting, crying, and throwing tantrums. A lot is said in the heat of the moment that’s impossible to come back from.

If disagreements during dating dates turn into screams and fits of rage, imagine how turbulent that relationship will be? Screaming and yelling at each other is a clear sign that communication has broken down — which is sad because it’s one of the critical components of a healthy relationship.

Ladies, we’re not in high school anymore. We’re grown now, which means we’re very much capable of keeping our emotions under leash. Always step away from the situation until you’ve cooled off enough to have a grown-up conversation. At times, biting your tongue isn’t cowardice. It’s class.

A high-quality guy will choose a woman who can keep a cap on her emotions any day.

You take advantage of your influence. (Of course, you should, there’s a limit though)

You’ve probably seen the most robust man turn into a kitten because of a woman. Why? When he becomes emotionally entangled with his girl, he becomes vulnerable. Men have emotions, too.

The problem is, there’s a certain woman who takes advantage of her man’s feelings and uses her influence to coerce him into things he wouldn’t normally do. Even when he’s made it crystal clear, it’s not something he enjoys doing. This is a huge deal-breaker that turns men off.

Usually, most men go along with it; I mean, love makes us do some crazy stuff, right?

After a while though? Resentment begins to build up, and before long, the adoration and attraction he initially felt begin to fizzle out. She’s left wondering what happened. I was talking about this to a friend who had just walked away from this girl.

He told me a lot, but this one sentence stuck with me;

“I wanted to feel safe with her. Instead, I felt manipulated into fulfilling her agendas. I was prepared to meet her needs, but I didn’t want to consistently do things I didn’t like just because I was feeling her. This type of compromise wasn’t sustainable long term. Deal-breaker. I walked.”

The point? No one’s got time to be used.

You issue “commitment ultimatums.”

Babe, I get it. There’s nothing as bad as being in a relationship that has no clear direction or end game. Your dude is stringing you along. Year after year, your biological clock keeps ticking away. So you give him an ultimatum because you’ve invested so much time and effort into the relationship.

The truth about ultimatums though? They never work. They turn men off instead.

My best advice is that you should take your business elsewhere when you feel the relationship is a dead end.

Plus, do you really want to be with someone because you forced them to be with you? Don’t you feel treasured because your mister wants to be with you out of his own volition? Ultimatums aren’t just a turn-off; they’re also a very shaky foundation for relationships.

Ladies, don’t put yourself in a position where you have to force him to decide whether he wants to take things to the next level. You deserve better. If he wants to be with you, you shouldn’t have to wait forever.

You force your beliefs on him.

Any mature woman knows her beliefs about life won’t always align with her man’s, and that’s okay. We’re talking about beliefs that don’t directly affect your everyday lives, politics, for example. These matter, but will they honestly make or break your relationship? Probably not.

So don’t force your beliefs on a man because it can come across as if you’re trying to change them. That never works. He wants to be loved for who he is, not when you convert him into what you want him to be. If you’re constantly pushing your agendas down his throat very early on in the dating days, he starts to wonder if, in ten years, you’ll force him to move to Timbuktu.

Seriously though, don’t you love couples who believe in different things but still manage to co-exist in harmony? It’s dope.

You’re boring and uninspired. (Sorry babe)

There’s a certain spark found only in a woman who has an inspiring life. Having an interesting life is the difference between a woman who always captures and keeps guys’ attention quickly and one who doesn’t. We’re drawn to people who can excite us and introduce us to new things.

As harsh as this sounds, boring women do not make substantial interactions with guys. That’s a deal-breaker. Uninspired and boring women seem to attract dudes who only want to get physical with them. If there’s even a sign that the ride with you is gonna be a boring one, your potential husband will run.

On the flip side, a lady devoted to her life, busy driving her passions and aspirations, doesn’t latch on to a man because her world is full. She can’t shake off decent guys because they all want in on the game.

Can you blame them? A woman with a vibrant life is desirable.

Speaking of which…

Can you guess what happens when a boring woman starts dating? She latches on like a leech and suffocates her guy, never allowing him time for himself because, well, he’s everything to her.

This babe mistakenly believes that showering him with a sea of attention is synonymous with love. Yet nothing makes a man flee, like the lack of personal space.

Without a doubt, everyone should be allowed to have private moments, detached from their lovers, left alone with their thoughts. This is how we self-reflect, process emotions, and grow.

If you want to have a mentally healthy man, you absolutely should create this space for him. Find your thing, then go do that.

Also, a man is hard-wired for a challenge. Why do you think they love video games so much? There’s a thrill in the chase. In your case, he wants to feel he’s pursuing you rather than being pursued. Otherwise, he loses interest.

I’ll not tire of saying that a woman is most attractive when she’s focused on building her life. There’s a sizzle in a relationship where two people come together and discuss their individual wins. This can only happen when two people are busy making magic in their personal lives.

You use secrets as weapons.

This hurts like crazy.

Probably the biggest relationship deal breakers of all time. A secret told is a sign of trust. A secret used as a weapon is a nasty stab on the heart. Don’t be that chick. Because I can guarantee that, you’ll not only hurt men. You’ll also find it impossible to attract someone who’ll want to settle down with you.

A man wants a safe place to lay his head. Part of this is the freedom of being open with his deepest secrets without wondering where his vulnerability will take him.

Obviously, Prince Charming could have decided he had better places to be rather than be with you and you know what? It’s all good. There’s a man for you out there.

But if there’s the slightest chance that you messed up your dating phase, hopefully now you know what not to do!

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Previously Published on medium

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