Let’s talk about something that happens to all of us, though we rarely discuss it — the stages of our relationship.
You know, those crucial events like jumping in delight or freezing us into cold sweats.
Ever wondered why stepping forward can sometimes seem so scary? I have experienced that several times, and I hope you might also find an answer to that sometimes in your mind.
Let’s dive into it.
the fear of settling down, right? It is called commitment phobia, and it is much more widespread than you may imagine.
That is more than being afraid of walking down the aisle and saying “I do”; it is about the terror of planning a future with someone.
Having the idea of planning a vacation for next year scares you. This is simply the worst case of a phobia of commitment.
Like our relationship statuses, their reasons for being afraid vary.
Others consider the painful memories of previous rejections as reasons behind their caution towards new relationships.
Others are scared by FOMO, which translates to fear of committing just to find out that a better person may be missed.
Other issues that may fuel this fear include cultural pressures and the need to maintain independence.
So, how do we get rid of this fear? Absolutely!
CBT and exposure therapy are the two methods that have shown a lot of promise in terms of helping individuals overcome their commitment fears.
Commitment is not something that is forced down your throat through these therapies.
It’s a process that makes you rethink your perception and meaning of commitment.
An additional action is recognising your own attachment style.
Many of us who suffer from commitment phobia are likely to be ‘avoidant’ in terms of attachment style.
It is often traced back to the events that happened during childhood.
Such a style has the tendency to turn off the emotions in a subconscious way that helps one focus on work but not on love or relationships.
These include understanding how your emotional self works and accepting imperfections in a relationship.
Also, no partner or relationship is perfect.
It’s about accepting the messy part of relationships, whereby you realise that things do not always go as planned.
To combat the fear of commitment, one must get more familiar with their emotional self, realise that relationships will have flaws, and understand that no partner (or relationship) is flawless.
It’s about learning to love the messiness and uncertainties of love, for the process is the most important element.
Embracing Commitment in Relationships
As such, let us address the issue of commitment in relationships and note that commitment is not merely presence but being with someone in the moment.
True presence, however, implies giving your beloved the whole of your concentration, not just your bodily presence.
Actively listening to them and building a strong connection with them is more of an art than a routine.
A regular connection is key.
And you know what? Sharing about your day is not just about living next to each other; it also means caring for the other person by asking what they did all day long.
Open communication is another cornerstone.
It’s more about being real and open, which sounds a bit scary but totally feels so good.
And, now, maintaining something new in a relationship is like seasoning your favourite food.
Engage in different hobbies together, conduct surprise dates, or simply reorganise your lifestyle.
It adds yet another dimension to your relationship.
Physical connection, in essence, involves holding hands, hugging, or simply a touch.
Such small acts secrete the attachment hormone that keeps up love.
In the midst of a dispute, it is vital to understand and respect each other’s views.
Avoiding unreasonable drama is achieved by arguing constructively and managing reasonable expectations.
And lastly, do not hesitate to be the real you.
Always remain an individual in the relationship.
Remember, it is so special to you that your partner fell in love with you.
The process of overcoming commitment fears is a path of personal development.
It is about facing and overcoming your private fears that go deeper into learning who you are and what you want.
The quality of your emotional health as well as your total life satisfaction can be improved by having a committed relationship.
It creates a conducive atmosphere where your career is able to flourish, both as an individual and as a spouse.
I have listened to numerous remarkable stories of people and couples on Reddit who have overcome their fear of commitment.
Each tale has its own story, yet there is a common line: a mission of individual discovery and maturity.
Starting from people who were commitment-phobic to a couple today who are happily married, to individuals who learned to trust and love again after painful pasts,
Those are stories that display the effectiveness of love and commitment.
It demonstrates the benefits of being committed, as it enhances the bond and understanding among partners who live a fulfilled and rich life.
…
Last words
Committing to a relationship is not only a point; this is a process of growing up, comprehending, and deepening love.
The keys to a successful relationship include being there for each other, being on regular terms, and communicating.
It is important to keep things fresh, to connect physically, and to appreciate your partner’s perspectives; these practices are what make your relationship last and be alive.
Committing phobia may be conquered for better self-development and an enriched life.
Do not see commitment as a burden but as an opportunity for more meaningful relationships.
Be kind to it, and approach it freely with your heart and mind.
…
Subscribe to my medium newsletter
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Womanizer Toys on Unsplash