The Truth About Modern Dating and Why You Never Feel Enough

“Screw my dating life, I’d be just single forever and adopt some cats” — said people on Instagram Reels.

It now comes to a point where people couldn’t care less about looking for a partner.

“What’s the point? It’s just gonna end up as another “situationship” right?”

OK, I don’t blame them for thinking that way.

There are many reasons why people hate modern dating: the mind games, the time-wasters, the endless heartbreaks.

If you don’t stop and at least take a break, those bad experiences will do nothing but add up to your insecurities.

The unrealistic “standards”

I’ve heard comments from singles such as:

“If he/she doesn’t treat me like this (looking at a Reel video), then I don’t want it”

“This (looking at another Reel video) is how I want my future relationship to look like”

I genuinely think people can find the right partner easier if they stop comparing or overthinking the idea of what a “perfect” relationship should look like.

Some of them are even scared to put themselves out there because they don’t think they deserve it. But in reality, it’s all only looking good on the internet.

I’m very skeptical when it comes to a couple of videos floating around on the internet with comments saying, “If these two break up, I won’t believe in love anymore”.

Really? Do you even know them in person?

Because I can guarantee you that those couples don’t live in a La La Land either. No couple does.

It’s full of misunderstandings, unavoidable disappointments, and communication issues.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Because if you wait until it’s perfect, then it might never happen.

Some people think it’s OK to play games

People rarely feel enough in today’s modern dating because there are too many mind games going on.

The worst thing about it all? Some people seem to normalize it.

Just the other day a girl on Reels made an attempt to get back into her ex’s life — not because she still loves him but simply because she doesn’t want him to move on.

And she’s proud of it.

In modern dating, that effort is also called, “zombeing” which means your ex would like your picture on social media, maybe drop a comment, or even contact you again.

But it’s so subtle that it makes you wonder,

“Does he want me back?”

This happens a lot in casual dating because some people just want to test the water and see if you still want them.

Of course, this is just one of the games among many many others that people like to play.

Ghosting is another thing that people have normalized. It’s sad because when you’ve been ghosted, it makes you doubt your worth at least a little.

Trust issue begins way before people get into a relationship

With all the bad experiences, it’s expected that you can develop trust issues — even when the relationship just got started.

You might worry they’ll leave you out of nowhere and ghost you. You might have doubts about whether or not to put in your 100%.

When a fight happens, you instantly want to leave rather than think of a solution together.

It’s no surprise many relationships ended in less than a year. It’s not because they aren’t compatible, but it’s the trust issue that holds them back from being all in.

And when you ask them why did they break up, the answer is always, “I don’t feel the spark anymore but I still love him as a friend though”.

In reality, they just don’t want to work on the issue.

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A kind reminder…

I’m not gonna be here and tell you to not give up looking for a partner — especially when you’re so done meeting the same type of people over and over again.

Modern dating can be unforgiving sometimes.

That’s why it’s important to be kinder to yourself. Do not blame yourself when someone rejects you. When you realize those bad experiences in the past have given you a trust issue, maybe it’s time to own it.

Maybe it’s time to take a break from dating and work on your mental health. Whether it’s going to therapy sessions or simply just doing anything other than being on a dating App.

So many people don’t know when to stop swiping — though they show all the signs of dating burnout.

It’s also important to question your beliefs and perspectives when it comes to relationships.

Are they truly yours? Or have you just got influenced by what you see on the internet?

Because at the end of the day, no one knows your love life better than you do. And you should be glad of that because it means you can always rewrite the narratives in your head.

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My goal here is to make you feel less alone on your love life journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here. And don’t forget your FREE guide on healthy dating.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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