For most of my adult life, I’ve felt like I didn’t have a love language.
I learned about love languages in high school, and it was fascinating to me. Although there’s not necessarily any scientific proof to back up the existence of love languages, the whole idea came from a 1992 book by Gary Chapman entitled The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate, and it’s been an ongoing topic in pop culture and media ever since.
The five love languages as defined by Chapman are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. These are all fairly self-explanatory, and maybe reading this, you’ll be able to identify right off the bat what yours is.
But if you’re like me, you find it a little harder to determine what it might be. I’ve debated myself on this for ages. Sometimes I feel as if I’m an even mix of a few of them. I love giving gifts and expressing love through acts of service to others, but I prefer to receive love through quality time. Occasionally, words of affirmation make me feel loved, too, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it’s my love language. And there’s a certain consensus that I loathe physical touch and PDA, so at least that’s been decided.
None of these love languages have ever stuck out to me enough for me to believe that they’re mine, though. I’ve spent a lot of time considering what it is that makes me feel loved by people, and what is truly the gateway to my heart.
And over time, these thoughts have produced a new theory: there’s a sixth love language that no one ever talks about. And guess what it is?
The sixth undiscovered love language is humor.
I know I’m not a scientist or a researcher, but this explanation makes an enormous amount of sense.
The amount of people I’ve fallen for because they made me laugh is a long, long list. And I’m not the only one: I know plenty of other women whose biggest turn-on is a funny guy who can make her laugh until her stomach hurts.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that humor is the only factor essential to a love interest. Rather, it means that inducing laughter, telling jokes, and being funny is an action of love. It’s an action that makes people feel loved, something that connects people with their significant others and sparks attraction.
The other love languages are as self-explanatory as this one: acts of service is having tasks done to show love, words of affirmation is using kind words and phrases to show love or receive it, physical touch is exactly what it says, gifts are receiving or giving gifts to show or receive love, and quality time is spending quality time to feel loved or show love. Humor, then, follows the same pattern: it’s the expression of humor, the intention to make someone laugh, in order to show them love, or it’s discovering that someone’s way of getting to your heart is making you laugh or thinking that they’re funny.
For those who don’t identify with any of the 5 love languages, consider humor: could this be you?
Are you someone like me, who feels as if most of their life, they couldn’t identify with any of the five love languages? Do you feel, overwhelmingly, that laughter is the way to your heart? Do you fall more often for funny partners and see it as one of the most favorable traits in a person? Do you bond with people over jokes, humor, moments when you can laugh together?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, I feel you. And your love language might be humor, too.
In order to discover this forgotten love language, I had to think back to all of my love interests, to the times when I felt loved by my family, to the times when I tried to show love. What did all of these things have in common? Usually it was laughter, an attempt to make me laugh, a giggle session with my friends at a sleepover or late at night with my mother. A silly bit with my younger brother when we saw each other at Christmas, or that guy who made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants and then walked home wondering if I had caught feelings.
That was when I realized.
. . .
So where does that leave us?
Well, that’s a complicated question. What does any of us ever do with the information about our love languages? Some people claim it’s the key to successful relationships, to experiencing and giving genuine love. I do agree with that, at least to an extent. I think that knowing our own love languages — and learning others’ — is often a recipe for a healthy, considerate, positive relationship.
If this sixth love language sounds familiar to you, lean into it. Seek partners who make you laugh and consider whether partners that don’t are worth your time and energy. Talk to others about this topic. Do they have a love language? Could humor be a potential one of theirs, too?
The more we know about each other, the better our relationships will become. And if identifying that humor is the way to our heart is helpful, then remember it, and don’t be afraid to look for that specifically. Don’t be afraid to interact with other people and see if they respond well to that love language, too.
. . .
Takeaways
Although it’s never been scientifically proven, the idea of love languages is a topic that’s been circling the media for almost three decades now, ever since Gary Chapman’s book on them. And to many of us, love languages have become increasingly important, and we try hard to figure out what ours is — and that of our partners, family, and friends.
If you’re lost and don’t know what your love language is, or you know someone else who struggles with this, consider the possibility of a sixth one. Chapman seemed to ignore the potential possibility that people could connect on the level of humor and laughter, even though that’s been a consistent and strong part of relationships for as long as humanity has been around. It’s certainly not out of the question, and I can say, without a doubt, that it is one of my love languages.
What about you? Can you think of any love languages that are forgotten, unknown, or just seldom-discussed? What other ways of showing and receiving love should we be considering when we broach this topic? For those that are lost and still don’t identify with one: what are your thoughts?
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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