Whoever attacks you is asking for your help.
– Hirokazu Kobayashi Sensei
Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba taught Kobayashi Sensei. Kobayashi Sensei said that Aikido is effective in repairing people. Although Aikido is budo, traditional martial arts, the purpose is to give life and to heal.
When the 250-pound man throws punches to my head, I wait it out. I enter the attack, enter what I fear, and die with honor. I bring the attacker to my center. In the center, under the attack, I apply nikkyo (wristlock) to myself and match the attack with yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) to the attacker. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. The attack and the attacker are irrelevant. It’s me against me.
In the danger, under the attack, I choose to let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to take the fall or stand down from his attack. I choose to give kindness or not. The attacker chooses to accept my kindness or not. I can choose to heal. The attacker can choose to be healed. We both choose. What happens, happens.
Kobayashi Sensei taught Cognard Hanshi. Hanshi teaches Ishibashi Sensei and me. He reminds that there is no opponent. Hanshi said that the enemy lies in the space between the attacker and us. Someone attacks, because they have lost their connection to us. Aikido is a way to heal and repair that connection, that relationship. If I defend, I can be defeated. I don’t aggress against aggression. There is no fight. We are one. The enemy is in the space between.
I invite the attack. I don’t oppose it. I bring the attacker to my center. Under the attack, I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I heal myself. The attacker can heal themselves, too. I can let the attack pass and have mercy. I can end the attack and be quiet inside. The attacker chooses to accept mercy or the consequences of their actions. We both choose. We both heal, repair, and forgive in the moment.
When Dad yelled at me when I was a young boy or punched me in the head, he didn’t know how to be a father. He was more afraid than angry. In truth, he was asking for help. I didn’t forgive Dad for knocking me to the floor. I forgave him for being afraid, for not knowing how to raise me, and for being imperfectly human.
In my adult life, a friend used me until she could find someone she wanted and have a meaningful relationship. At least from where I stood, being used felt like an attack. Still, that was the possibility of finding someone she really wanted, someone she loved. I was not that. I was not good enough. I was not meaningful. I got it. She found the partner she wanted, someone meaningful. She found love—what we all want. There is always someone who is better than I am. That’s just life. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I do have a say in what goes on inside me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. My friend is happy in love. That makes all the difference. I have nothing but mad love and respect for her. I don’t defend because there is nothing to defend.
Kobayashi Sensei said, “Whoever attacks you is asking for your help.” Truth. Sometimes, their attack isn’t about me at all. It’s about them, what they want most, to make a profound connection. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do.
I try to help whoever asks for help, even when they don’t know they’re asking. Nothing’s personal; it’s not at all about me. I keep my heart open. My heart is true – Magokoro. Just train.
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Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash