Things That Actually Matter in This World

The majority of patients with Stage III disease have micrometastases that cannot be detected with currently available tests and cannot be removed with surgery. The presence of micrometastases causes the relapses that follow treatment with surgery alone.

What do we do when one of the greatest possessions we own, our health, is threatened?

If you’re Rong Liang Chia, you start with a collection of impressive tattoos that express an unexpected message: “Live, Love, Pasta.” The first two celebrate the grandeur of life. We all want to live and love.

But pasta?

As Rong Liang Chia states in a moving video by Green Renaissance, “The first two words make sense, and the last one is like, OK…Why pasta? I don’t know, pasta is great.”

And then he smiles, and his soul radiates a peaceful glow.

Just let go

It seems like we’re all holding on tightly these days.

Maybe we’re holding on to our careers, investing time and energy into a future promotion or positive turn of events. Or perhaps it’s our family that we’re pulling in close. Doing everything to enrich their lives and well-being.

Rong Liang Chia explains in the Green Renaissance video that “None of what’s happening to me makes sense at all.” So he’s learning to let go.

Not that it’s easy.

“I can only imagine people who don’t have any regret,” Chia says. So Chia turns his attention to loved ones. He says, “I care about what their priorities are right now. What their concerns are. What they’re doing to ease their mental worries.”

There’s a valuable lesson in this.

When we focus on the welfare of others and serve them, we not only step away from our own concerns, we spread a little grace in the world. And whether or not our empathy and efforts to help others improve our physical condition, it surely improves our spiritual well-being.

Chia goes on to say:

Worry about things that you have control over and don’t worry about the things you have no control over. The biggest lesson, through the last two years, that I’m still learning, is to just let go.

Just let go.

As Chia explains, it’s an achievement to “just let go.” Because we all struggle with resentments, negative energy, regrets, and the constellation of problems that life so regularly throws at us.

And yet, it is possible to let go.

Chia tells us, “You just have to decide to be kind to yourself.” Because there’s no point in wasting emotional energy, and “you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

More at peace with ourselves

Sometimes, when people are ill, superficial questions are easier.

Stuff like, “Seen any good movies lately?” or “What have you been reading?” But when folks ask, “How are you?” it opens up a can of worms. Do you share the truth, that you’re scared and grappling with mortality? Or do you spare them and say, “I’m doing okay. Hanging in there.”

Rong Liang Chia thinks his illness is karma.

He admits that he’s done some “not so great” things in his life, and he views cancer as “the luck of the draw.” He adds, “I’d rather it be me than my family members, my sister, her child…I rather it be me.”

Chia reflects and says, “My regret would be to not have been more at peace with myself, with the thing that I couldn’t control.”

Imagine if we could all be more at peace with ourselves.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Always comparing, and lamenting our weight, wrinkles, less-than-perfect features, financial struggles, etc.

Why do we fail to see the beauty in ourselves?

Not so much physical beauty, which is so very transient and unimportant. But rather, our inner beauty. Where the best of us resides, appearing now and then to dazzle the world with our love, kindness, creativity, and uniqueness.

At one point in the Green Renaissance video, Rong Liang Chia says, “I don’t think I was that horrible of a human.”

When I watched that moment, I wanted to leap through the screen and hug him. I wanted to tell him that he is beautiful. That his message for the rest of us is beautiful.

Cancer and mortality are scary and awful, but they instruct.

They seem to strip away all the nonsense we trouble ourselves with. They force us to whittle away the superficial and unimportant until we see our lives and the world with a kind of divine clarity.

We become enlightened.

I could see the struggle in his face

A dear friend and mentor of mine is facing his own battle with an aggressive cancer.

We had an annual retiree BBQ recently, and despite my friend’s pain and discomfort, he showed up. The cancer is attacking his spine, and he needed a walker to get from the car to the picnic table.

I could see the struggle on his face.

And yet there he was, laughing, enjoying lunch, trying to put us at ease. Ever the leader and friend and remarkable human being. A few days later, he texted to thank me for visiting with him at the BBQ.

Can you imagine that?

He texted me when I should be texting and thanking him for visiting with all of us. I should be telling him what a remarkable human being he is. How much I respect his long service to the community and devotion to professional colleagues and friends.

How much I love him.

We get consumed in our own lives and sometimes miss the chance to honor and love the special people who enrich our world. Who make it better.

We forget that life is short, and the things that actually matter in this world are family, friends, and improving one another’s lives.

We forget how powerful love is.

Just celebrate having lived a very good life

At the end of the Green Renaissance video, Rong Liang Chia talks about what he’d like in his obituary.

“Come celebrate my life,” he says. “Try to remember the good times. Just celebrate having lived a very good life.”

Just celebrate having lived a very good life.

It’s the perfect message for all of us. Try to let go more. Get out of your own way. Forgive yourself for past mistakes.

Worry less about your imperfections, and focus more on loving your family and friends. You’re not a horrible human being. You’re beautiful and flawed and complicated and scared just like the rest of us.

Just let go.

None of our lives are perfect, but they all have moments of grace and beauty. And while we’re still here, we should focus on finding and creating more moments of grace and beauty.

Because those are the things that actually matter in this world.

Before you go

 

I’m John P. Weiss. I write elegant stories and essays about life. If you enjoyed this piece, check out my free weekend newsletter, The Saturday Letters.