Do you feel stuck? Are you in limbo? Do you feel like you’re always the same, day after day, and nothing changes?
Look at where you were a couple of years ago. For some, things might be very obviously different from how they were back then. For others, they might seem to be exactly the same.
On the surface, I could say that about my own situation. A few years ago, I was doing generally what I’m doing now, writing, being creative in various ways, still waiting for the Big Miracle I’ve been manifesting for some time. Yup, if I just look at the surface, I could feel like I’m spinning my wheels.
But in truth, there have been many profound changes for me, both personally and professionally. I’ve taken enormous steps that have moved me a whole lot closer to that Big Miracle than I ever believed possible.
And I am a very, very different woman from who I was a few years ago. Sure, some of the basics are still there. I’m compassionate, silly, emotional, sensitive, and determined (some would say stubborn, but that’s only when I’m doing something they don’t approve of or understand). I’m still a 5’9″ 4-year-old most of the time.
My plans and I still get together for our regular morning meeting, agree on what needs doing, and then go our separate ways. 🤪 We like our independence, my plans and I.
Some things never change.
But in countless ways, I have changed. The past few years have been extremely difficult; among the hardest I’ve ever endured. I’ve been forced to accept some painful truths. I’ve been forced to do things I would never have done in the past. I’ve been forced to become a very different person.
What’s this, you ask? Me, being forced? Am I not always on about how we have the freedom to choose, to be what we want, to think for ourselves? Do I not keep insisting that you can make your dreams come true?
How can I say all of that, and turn around and tell you I’ve been “forced” into all this pain and difficulty?
The truth is, I forced myself. And I did it because I knew it was right for me. Enormous obstacles had been thrown in my path. Monumental, heartbreaking obstacles that tore at me in a ways I cannot begin to describe. The writing was on the wall but I refused to accept it until I ended up with a life-threatening health crisis.
I dreaded even contemplating those obstacles. If not for that health crisis, it would have been so much easier to turn back, to avoid them. To pretend they did not exist. I could have taken the easy way out and stayed where I was, not made the changes that were thrown in my path.
Yes, I could have done that.
But I knew that I would have been completely and utterly miserable. I knew I would have been deliberately turning my back on my destiny, my potential, my spirit. And I knew that my health crisis was a direct result of living in a situation that despite the good parts was extremely destructive to me on all levels, as much as I did not want to believe it.
There have been many times along the way that I’ve wished I could turn back. So many times I’ve agonised over what I know now, but wish I did not. So many painful tears burning down my face like branding irons, my heart aching to push away changes and realities I couldn’t bear to accept.
I was the duvet. My knowledge had expanded. I had expanded. I could see things I hadn’t seen before. I had new awarenesses, new strengths, new learning, and as heartbreaking as it was, there was no way I could align them with who I used to be. Somewhere along the way, I had become someone else. I had found myself on a completely different path from the one I thought I’d always been on throughout my entire life.
I needed to be on this path; it’s where I’m meant to be. I have no choice. Not if I’m going to be happy. Not if I’m going to fulfill what I believe is my destiny.
A few years ago, I began a deeper level of massive transformation and rebirth. Now, it’s like I have been given a second life — quite literally. If you only knew just what I mean…but that is a whole other story.
I’m grateful for all the changes in myself on a personal level; they needed to happen. And I’m grateful for where I am now, and although I have hopes and ideas about where I’m headed, I shall just have to wait and see what the universe has in store for me. I trust in its wisdom, knowing that it always gives us what we need, even if it’s not always what we want.
When I was young, my two best childhood friends were killed in an accident. Many years later, their mother had some words of wisdom for me. She said, “You never get over the pain. You just learn to live with it.”
Some things are just like that. As for the painful, difficult bits I left behind with the “old me,” I carry that pain with me every single day. But it’s okay because it reminds me of some of the greatest love and the greatest joy I’ve ever known, and to which I had to say goodbye.
You may not notice the changes in yourself or your life. But you have had experiences, conversations, events that will have contributed to your evolution. You can never go back to who you used to be. You are that billowing duvet, whether you can see it or not.
This is a good thing. It means you’re moving forward in your life. And it’s the only direction worth travelling.
This post was previously published on Liberty Forrest’s blog.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
|White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism||Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box||The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer||What We Talk About When We Talk About Men|
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: iStock