I find myself sexually attracted to strangers or new acquaintances but lose interest in them after developing an emotional bond, Christopher said.
I couldn’t help but laugh at his dilemma, and then it got me thinking.
Am I fraysexual, too, if my sexual urge towards someone fades away? Nowadays, sex is often seen as a casual act with no real emotional connection. However, sex is still an important part of a committed relationship for many people.
Of course, not every couple enjoys the same level of sexual intimacy. Some couples may find they are pleased without sex, while others may feel it is an essential part of their relationship and a way to express their feelings and cement their bond. Ultimately, the decision about whether or not to have sex is personal and should be made by each couple based on their own needs and desires.
What if I said it could also be so much about their sexual orientation?
Do you lose sexual interest once you know your partner more intimately? If so, you just might be in the same situation as my buddy, Christopher.
What really is Fraysexuality?
Fraysexuality falls under the asexuality umbrella and can span across genders, sexual orientations, romantic orientations, and preferred relationship structures.
Fraysexual folks mostly experience sexual attraction to strangers or people they don’t know very well. And, once they’ve developed a strong emotional bond with a partner, they often lose sexual, though not necessarily romantic, interest.
When a girl tells me she loves me, that is when I know it is time to break it off. I want a long-term relationship but can’t control the attraction fading.
Fraysexual can be said to be the opposite of demisexual — folks who only find themselves sexually attracted to partners with whom they have an emotional connection. The primary characteristic most fraysexual folks share is a preference for having sex with partners with whom they don’t have strong emotional or romantic relationships.
Isn’t fraysexuality a synonym for fear of commitment?
Being a fraysexual leaves you with no choice because no matter how much you want to be sexually attracted to someone, you just can’t overcome it. On the other hand, fear of commitment means that you can be sexually attracted to someone you know or are getting to know but are afraid of being hurt/rejected because there are pre-existing trust, commitment, and abandonment issues.
It’s not uncommon for attraction amongst partners to dissipate, as there are many reasons why people become less attracted over time—it could be unresolved resentment, romantic interactions, or you could just be bored with each other. For fraysexuals, the shift has nothing to do with their partner; it is how they are wired.
Aren’t we all fraysexuals?
However, it is believed that 1–5% of people identify as fraysexual based on little research. This suggests that it is probably more widespread than we understand, but many fraysexuals might not even be aware of it because it is not well spoken or understood.
Honestly, don’t we all lose sexual attraction at some point in our relationships? Here is how to know if you’re fraysexual;
- Although you long for a stable love relationship, you gradually lose interest in sex.
- Early on in a relationship, you have intense sexual desire, which gradually fades as you get to know the other person better.
- No matter how committed you are emotionally, you cannot rekindle the flame.
- You are more attracted sexually to strangers than to those you know well.
It’s crucial to keep in mind that sexual orientation is a continuum, and therefore you may not precisely fall into any one group.
Fraysexuality and Monogamy
Being fraysexual can present potential difficulties for long-term relationships. No sex can cause an unhappy relationship, even if it’s only from one person’s perspective. But that doesn’t mean fraysexual folks can’t form healthy or long-term monogamous relationships.
Some fraysexual people find it easiest to date other fraysexual people under the mutual understanding that because sexual attraction fades, romantic interest doesn’t necessarily fade with it. Some partners of fraysexual individuals may find that their shared emotional and love connection is sufficient to keep them together even if their sexual attraction wanes. These people believe that it is worthwhile to make certain concessions in their sexual life because they place a high value on their fraysexual partner.
Fraysexual people frequently have the most fulfillment in a long-term, consenting non-monogamy relationship. Fraysexual people may explore their attraction to strangers and new people while also enjoying the security and emotional closeness that come with long-term relationships because of this relationship structure.
Regardless of how you choose to navigate your fraysexuality in the context of long-term relationships, it’s essential to keep communication channels open. Be honest about your needs, wants, or desires and listen to and respect those of your partners.
At the end of the day
As long as you’re honest about what you are (and aren’t) looking for, having sex with individuals you don’t know very well may be exhilarating, intriguing, and exciting. It can also lead to a lifetime of pleasant sexual encounters.
In the context of Fraysexuality, it feels like both lust and love are entirely separated from each other. One feeling is rooted in primal urges, whilst the other is from trust and care. Being fraysexual and in love with someone seems to be the ideal sort of love because there will never be any question as to whether or not someone is physically suitable. That love will never be superficial or something you do for a good time; it will always be deeply anchored in who you are as a person.
As you can see, fraysexual can be a helpful term to articulate a particular kind of sexual preference. While there’s still a lot of stigmas in our society about having sex with strangers, or even outside of relationships, fraysexuality is an ideal way to relate to others sexually.
Being honest with yourself and others about what you want from a sexual experience is crucial. Anyone can learn about the fascinating world of fraysexuality if they have an open mind and heart.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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