In the wake of Charleston, TJ Trent says we don’t have to avoid difficult discussions at work.
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I woke up on Thursday morning saddened by the shooting in Charleston. As a young adult, I grew up in an African-American church in Bakersfield, California. My lovely wife is African American, and a majority of my friends are as well.
As soon as I opened my laptop and saw the headlines I knew this event would further strain relationships. I wondered how we could talk about these events at work.
Here are four tips for having difficult discussions at work.
Got purpose?
Personally, this was the most difficult lesson for me to learn. Honestly, I used to believe my purpose was to convert the ignorant. Or I would make comments because I was hurting and wanted to make others hurt as well.
During these conversations, I often ended up emotionally drained, frustrated, and isolated. In hindsight, I am not surprised at all. After all, who wants to be friends with someone who think there an idiot. Now (before any conversation) I determine my purpose.
It’s okay to disagree.
Too often we surround ourselves with people whose views align with ours. Then, when we encounter people who disagree, we struggle to value their opinions. We are quick to dismiss them as uneducated, racist, or stupid.
Over the years, I have learned to value differing views. It allows me to determine my blind spots and challenge my thinking. It also enables me to evaluate the opinions of others without compromising my beliefs.
Be open and honest.
The issues of today touch on many deeply held emotions. Race, politics, social justice, and the economy are hot topics. Our views are the result of culture, education, and experience. Don’t be ashamed of how you feel and never feel like you have to lie. But before you do make sure your purpose is clear.
Know when to walk away.
As I have grown older, I have learned to value relationships. As a young man, however, I was quick to argue at the expense of the relationship. True tolerance is being able to unite despite our differences and maintain those relationships that mean the most.
Are you ready to have these challenging discussions with coworkers?
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Photo: Flickr/jon collier
