I want to pose a question to you as you read this. Who in your life wants you to win? Who wants to see you set your life on fire?
How many of you have been in a long-term relationship? I’m not necessarily talking about romantic relationships either.
Relationships are a choice. Do you want to be with this person on a regular basis? Do you love this person? Do you like this person?
Many, many times I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit moving my life forward and just become a drone. I was done with everything.
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It’s all a choice. And you keep choosing the people in your life every day.
The longer you’re in relationship with a person, the easier the relationship can devolve into petty breakdowns that could lead to the end of that relationship.
Today I want to give you a little inside baseball into the relationship between a coach and a client. With me – Coach Ryan – playing the role of the client.
Because I have never worked with a client for as long as I’ve worked with my coach.
One of my biggest anxieties when I joined Accomplishment Coaching was ending my coaching relationship with my original coach Michelle.
Michelle supported me and was my biggest cheerleader during the darkest year of my life – 2015. That was the first year after my father passed away.
Many, many times I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit moving my life forward and just become a drone.
I even wanted to drop my dream of becoming a published author. That was a 30+ year dream.
I was done with everything.
But Michelle supported me to keep going and I became published author six months after losing my dad.
To be honest, I didn’t know what to think of my coach Lisa when I first saw her and met her on weekend one of my program.
Actually, that’s a lie. My first impression of her was “Yeah, she’s gonna be trouble.” I saw her as this attractive, confident, powerful leader and I have had bad experiences with women like that in my life.
But then again, I had a list of incompletions about women as long as my arm. So, it wasn’t her.
I’m workin’ on it.
My dynamic with Lisa is far different than the dynamic I had with Michelle. I butt heads way more often with Lisa than I ever did with Michelle.
I mean, to have been a fly on the wall in our last session…#yeesh
My relationship with Lisa has evolved in an interesting way. I have trusted her with some of my deepest secrets, and we’ve co-created an amazing path for me. And I’m creating some amazing results in my life right now.
But…just like in any long-term relationship, stuff comes up. And to create the mind-blowing world-changing results I want to create in my life, I need all the support I can get. I need it from a blank slate.
Because when “stuff” festers, it builds up pressure. And you know what happens when pressure build up?
It’s a boom goes the dynamite sort of situation.
What to do? What to do?
Here’s exactly what you do – you get out your pen and you rewrite the first draft.
Let’s backtrack a little bit. When stuff festers, it blows up at inopportune times. And some stuff was festering in our relationship.
Honestly, it was all on me. I let the stuff in our relationship keep me from getting the support I needed.
Instead of asking for support from the being of a brilliant, powerful, almost 41-year old man, I started to ask for support from the place of a scared, 7-year-old boy.
Don’t get me wrong, I was a bright kid. But bright princes and brilliant kings aren’t one in the same.
How do two intelligent, committed, loving, and powerful people iron out differences in relationships?
There’s no science behind this. But there is a magic formula.
Want to know what we did? We had a conversation.
We enlisted the support of a mutual friend and colleague, and we sat down and had a conversation.
This conversation brought up a lot for me. But it was one of the most powerful experiences of my life.
There was so much respect, trust, and love in this conversation. I think I finally was able to see Lisa as a human being, which I haven’t let myself see. And I believe I was able to re-commit and reconnect with my vison for my life and my projects.
But more than that, here’s what I wanted to impart to you guys reading this today.
The thing I learned and discovered was that there are people in my life who are all in on me. They’re committed, determined, and they fight like hell for me to power up my life.
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So often I had it that the only people who supported me were doing so because of obligation. They supported me only because they wanted to shut me up, or I was paying them.
“Ah damn it. Here’s Ryan again. Let me act like I give a damn.” Again, it’s not you. It’s all me.
The thing I learned and discovered was that there are people in my life who are all in on me. They’re committed, determined, and they fight like hell for me to power up my life.
People give a damn. Not just because they have to, but because they choose to!
Look inside your circles. Look inside your heart. Look inside your soul.
Look at the people in your life and ask yourself two pointed questions.
- Who wants to see me win?
- Who wants to see me set my life on fire?
Those people are your team. And everybody needs a team.
I want to open this up to you guys reading. I’d love to hear some stories about the people in your lives who want to see you set your life on fire.
Either leave these stories in the comments of this story or email me at [email protected].
Use that same email to connect with me on a sample coaching session. Let me be your team so that you can set your own life on fire.
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Quick announcements
- Episode 4 of the Be a King podcast is up. There are no guests, but there is a pretty pointed conversation. I ask the question – why don’t we “see” each other anymore? See past the surface package and into someone’s soul. I recorded it in response to the Douglas High School shooting. It’s a powerful show and I invite you to check it out.
- Men, do you have a story to tell? Do you have a story of overcoming pain, fear, or heartbreak? Prejudice because of your race, age, religion, or sexual orientation? You have a story that can inspire the world. Stay tuned to this space, I’ve got a really cool announcement I’m going to make in March.
Photo by Arctic Mudfest