Lancelot Kirby believes pain is a gift and leads to greater joy, deeper thought, and a more fulfilling life.
To feel intensely is to be in pain; a state of mind otherwise known as Hell, to some. When misfortune strikes, and it does to everyone sooner or later, it is called tragedy. But, calling misfortune tragedy is merely to express empathy through hyperbole.
Nothing is more tragic than the common life and death of common men, those whose repetitive and un-contemplative days are spent with the aim of continued existence. Those who held a dream that simply died. Rather, to those who feel, and feel intensely, is the tragic element in life, and only a life intense with feeling can even be called a life at all.
Edith Hamilton in her classic book The Greek Way, gives us an insight into the nature of tragedy with an examination of Shakespeare’s Hamlet:
“Hamlet’s hesitation to kill his uncle is not tragic. The tragedy is his power to feel. Change all the circumstances of the drama and Hamlet in the grip of any calamity would be tragic, just as Polonius would never be, however awful the catastrophe. The suffering of a soul that can suffer greatly—that and only that, is tragedy.”
Thus, in order to suffer greatly one must first be able to feel greatly. In fact, before one can be said to have suffered emotionally, one must have deep human sympathy and warmth. And yet, our society attacks and denigrates such qualities. We call those who suffer easily too sensitive; this is meant as derogatory. Those who are too or hyper sensitive are perceived as weak and/or effeminate; not manly. It is no surprise therefore that society advocates a culture of toughness.
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But what is it to be tough? Is it to be immune to pain? This is not much to be proud of. A rock feels no pain. Indeed, a rock feels little at all, but neither does it think, and thought and feeling are inseparable so that one can no more be a thinking man who does not feel than an unthinking one who does.
Those who advocate for toughness in their sons have overlooked thought. Would they have their boys unthinking fools? Self-reflection brings pain, but it brings reward as well. It is also often overlooked how toughness is the easy way out. To be an unfeeling brute is no great challenge. We see it in tyrants everyday.
Feel deeply and endure the pain, that is the challenge and thus truly manly. Those who take what life inflicts, not with indifference but with reflection. Those who do not turn their heads away, it is to those boys and men who go the laurels of manhood, in the finest definition of the term.