Since I was a young girl, I always wondered what my husband would be like. Never anything bad, all I wanted was a good, God-fearing guy who would love me genuinely. Now that I’m older, I still want that kind of guy.
And while all I ever wanted was some love, the thought of falling for someone younger than me never crossed my mind not once. In society we’ve been taught that it’s ‘nasty’ for a woman to love someone younger.
We see it every single time and we as women have to explain ourselves to everyone how on earth we got the audacity to love someone young. Now, some people argue that it’s a mentality and in some cases it is but that’s not the case in most.
This kind of love is even a taboo in some parts of the world. A community will banish you for loving someone younger but your village chief, the one who’s almost 90 years old is forcefully marring young virgin girls and people let it because he is a man.
We have to stop doing this to women.
There’s this youtuber I love, her name’s Candice J., recently she’s been posting vlogs. One day I was at home catching up with her content and at some point she started talking about her relationship. I knew she had a boyfriend because I follow her on IG, so when she started talking I thought it was going to be the normal ‘youtube relationships’ shenanigans. But I kinda felt sad for her whe she started ‘explaining’ why she was dating someone younger.
The first question that crossed my mind was: Why did she feel the need to tell us he was younger, if they were the same age I doubt she’d touch on the subject. The guy even looks older than her.
That was before I started dating my ‘younger’ guy. I’m 4 years older than him and all I can think about these days is how I’ll explain to people and family why I’m with him.
You see this bullsh*t even in relationships where a very old guy marries a very young woman, no one asks the man anything, all eyes are on the woman and she has to explain to everyone why she’s with this old man.
This has to stop!
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Can we pause for a deep, soul-searching moment?
Why is it so incomprehensible that two people with a notable age gap might simply connect? That, despite the years that stack the deck against them on paper, they find common ground in shared interests and a mutual zing.
An older woman might find a surprising kinship with a younger man over something as timeless as music — hey, The Beatles have fans born several decades apart. It’s the zest for life, not the date on a birth certificate, that builds the most beautiful relationships.
Emotional and intellectual compatibility doesn’t always pair up obediently with society expectations.
I’ve found in my own dating experience that some of the most profound conversations, belly-aching laughs, and tear-strength bonds were formed with these “younger men” my age seem to balk at.
They say that it’s just physical attraction
Let’s also talk about the elephant in the room — the physical allure. If men can unabashedly desire the youthful energy and aesthetics of a younger woman, why does the collective gasp when that same youthful vigor turns women’s heads?
There’s an enticing mix of vitality, a sort of joie de vivre, that a younger partner might introduce to an older woman’s life.
This isn’t about clinging to youth; it’s about delighting in someone else’s, appreciating the newer edition stamina (and heck, maybe a Ryan Gosling-esque six-pack), all the while bringing your sophisticated vintage charm to the party.
Breaking Society Norms
Now, people, let’s lean in — because you know I’m about to spill the tea on society norms. There’s a rebellion growing in the hearts of older women everywhere, a delightful defiance against being pigeonholed into matronly roles or archaic love equations.
Dating younger is less about rebellion and more about expression — an expression of the right to choose who you love and how you live.
Shameless, disgusting, inappropriate — ouch! This society has not been kind.
A toast to those of us who are dismantling ageist stereotypes one unconventional relationship at a time.
To the skeptics who point their fingers at older women sipping from the fountain of youth through their choice of partner, I say it’s high time we recognize that love doesn’t age discriminate.
I’m not preaching that every May-December romance is forever, nor am I blind to the difficulties they face. But their reasons — connection on mutual interests, complementary energies, a fearless stance against norms — are strokes drawn from the same palette that colors relationships across the board, regardless of gender and age.
Let’s trade judgment for celebration, shall we?
Let’s raise our glasses (or our iPhones) to love that isn’t confined by the date on a birth certificate. After all, the heart wants what it wants, and sometimes it wants someone who thought *NSYNC was just a typo.
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5 Brutal Truths I Want My Husband’s Mistress to Know
Oh, boy, where do I even begin?
medium.com
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash