Why Do Romantic Relationships Need To Lead Somewhere?

Are we getting married? Are we moving in? Are we having a baby? When are we getting a dog? A cat? Maybe a fish?

Can I leave my toothbrush here?

When we meet someone new and things are developing, we start to question the future. The ones who are dating long a relationship, the ones who are in a relationship long to get married, the married ones long a kid… The list is endless. We all want the next step, may that be small as leaving a toothbrush and questioning if it is too fast, or just simply waiting for a ring. But why?

When we get a job, we don’t expect the promotion right away. When we become friends with someone new, we don’t go around with the question in our heads thinking ‘when will they be my best friend’? So then, why do we get bombarded with future tense questions when we are romantically involved with someone?

Is it seeking validation?

Demanding to feel secure?

Or just simply society’s gift.

I have friends in my life that I’m much more invested in emotionally than I’m in any guy. I think the loss of these friends would hit me a lot harder than any breakup. Yet, I never questioned where our friendship was headed. I never felt insecure enough not to ask them to go on a holiday with me either. Even though I love them to bits, I never question our future together. In fact, I have put some people in my life to my ‘for life’ file, so I don’t even care what the future brings, I know we’ll be just fine.

Then again, when I’m dating someone new, I often find myself asking the same questions too. Are we headed to relationship-land? Should I stay over? Would he wanna go on a weekend gateway with me? But why? Why do I question it? Why does the next step bother me that much?

Is it because I’m not happy with the present?

Is it because I want to spare myself from heartbreak?

Is it because I’m ungrateful?

Should I meditate to stay in the moment?

The possibility of a secure future ruins the present somehow. Like a snake, sneaking in, the future tense questions wrap around you making it overwhelming to move forward or worse to stay present. I think I’m not alone when I say, I used to look at my ex and think why he wasn’t making future plans for us. I would feel so sad in those moments. In my head, I would feel unwanted. When the reality is, the guy was busy making pancakes for me. I lost the moment, the snake got to me.

I’m not arguing the questions are unnecessary, there are times to demand more, and we all should. My point is, why do we do this so often with romantic partners and not with our friends or bosses or family? It just comes in naturally with partners. To make things worse, why do never stop asking these questions? Even after we ‘get what we want’, we move on to the next big ‘question’.

Is it because a relationship has steps and we feel obligated to complete each task to get to the other one?

Does ticking a box every time we move forward with our partners boost our ego?

Would relationships be question-free if there hadn’t been any ‘clear milestones’?

I’m lost with this one.

It is either a breakthrough idea, that’ll help me get clarity on relationships or just something silly that will haunt me for some time until I settle for an answer.

With much love,

Miss A.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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