Why I’d Rather Be Too Nice

Once upon a time, I was contacted by someone to do a custom design. I asked for details, then quoted her a price.

She asked, “Is it really possible to do this? I don’t see how you’ll make this feature work…” I described a solution, then asked if she wanted to hire me. Instead, she kept asking questions about various features.

I felt uneasy, but decided to give the benefit of the doubt. Long story short, she extracted what she needed without paying.

Was I upset? Sure.

But I’d learned a lesson. I cut off all contact with this person and set better boundaries with prospective clients.

Yet… I am still a nice person. I’ve had several people tell me I’m too nice.

But when I look at their lives, I see something else.

I have very little stress in my life.

The people say I am too nice, most seem to have a lot of stress.

I get along with neighbors, co-workers, clients… neighbors bring over food or do me favors, co-workers have helped with projects and clients cut me slack when I need it.

The people who say I’m too nice — many have problems with people in their communities and workplaces.

My friends treat me with love and respect. Even my ex-husband is nice to me. In fact, every ex I’ve had has treated me well. One ex-boyfriend mowed my lawn for several weeks because I needed it.

I have a friend who tells me he doesn’t understand why people are so nice to me. He says I live in a magic bubble.

I can explain this bubble with one simple rule that relates to birds.

Birds of a feather flock together.

That’s it. It’s simple. And it works.

Treat people with respect and you will attract respect. Treat others with kindness and attract kindness. When you are “too nice”, others who are also “too nice” flock to you.

But it’s not magic — you still have to do the work of setting boundaries.

When someone takes advantage of me, I cut them out of my life. If I can’t, I minimize contact and allow no emotional access.

This skill took me time to learn. There were people I cared for who took advantage of me until I realized — I could let them go. Now I choose my flight partners.

If your relationships are stressing you out, maybe it’s time to look at the person in the mirror, to paraphrase Michael Jackson.

Maybe you need to be a better person. To give instead of take. To treat others with respect.

Or maybe you need to learn how to set boundaries. You can be a nice person and still say “no”.

If you want to soar like an eagle — you need to leave behind the dead weight. You’ll be happier and more free without it.

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This post was previously published on a Few Words.

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