I recently published an article here on Medium about White privilege. In it, I shared a revelation I had in the weeks leading up to the election. I was scared our democracy might fail and our nation could descend into civil war and then fascism. My thoughts about the possibility of living life in fear of the police under a fascist regime gave me a new awareness of my White privilege. After all, BIPOC folks have always lived in fear of the police in this country.
I received some applause, several highlights and comments. All the negative feedback came from other White people. It was surprising to me how some White people expressed intense anger at me for acknowledging this particular revelation about my White privilege. These were not right-wing trolls denying the existence of systemic racism. No, all this anger was coming from other White liberals. Several were quick to point out I should have had this awareness about my privilege much sooner.
One on the angriest comments came from Lindz.
I’m amazed on how ignorant my fellow white people are. Where the hell have you been?
What pisses me off is this shit right here.
Oh now that it’s impossible for all of white American to ignore the racism that has been happening for decades to black and brown people. Now your scared that your white shield won’t guard you from the very thing you allowed to happen to black people?
Now that it might happen to you. Now you have to choose a side and of course it’s with black people because they have done nothing wrong but for being black in white America.
Sorry I really have no patience for white people like you.
I’ve been white my whole life and from the time I learned right from wrong I was aware of racism. I’ve been blessed to have black friends and to witness with my own two eyes the racist bullshit.
You choose to ignore the problem because it didn’t effect you. That’s fucked up!
I’m glad you chose the right side though.
Setting aside her incorrect assumptions, notice how angry she is that I didn’t have this revelation about my privilege sooner and for the right reason. Let’s say for the sake of argument that I had completely ignored racism my entire life and it never once occurred to me that racism is wrong until I experienced my own fears of the police like Lindz assumes. What if I suddenly recognized the unfairness of racism after years of denying it. Do you think it would encourage me to continue on the path of trying to be anti-racist to be told I’m a horrible person because I’m selfish and I didn’t figure this out sooner?
On Jada Pinkett-Smith’s show Red Table Talk, in the episode titled “Black America In Crisis” which was about the demonstrations after the murder of George Floyd, Willow Smith commented how exasperated she was that it took this horrific event for a lot of White people to wake up to the reality of racism. She expressed being encouraged but also disgusted that it took White people so long. Willow Smith has a legitimate point, Lindz does not.
White people don’t get to be angry at other White people on behalf of Black people.
Just like we can’t wear our hair in cornrows or call Black women Sister or wear a dashiki or a whole host of other things that are a form of appropriation. Of course it’s natural for any person to be angry when witnessing racism but that’s not what happened here. Lindz unilaterally decided that she is different from other White people, disowned those that she perceived as being unenlightened and took the legitimate anger than many Black people may feel at White people as her own.
I’m not picking on Lindz here, I hear the general sentiments expressed in her comment all the time among White liberals. We act as if we are not responsible for “those” White people, the ones with the confederate flags on their trucks who say “all lives matter” and make claims of reverse racism. White liberals love to refuse to speak to “those” White people and say “I have intolerance for their intolerance.” This is really convenient because by showing them “intolerance” they aren’t responsible for educating and enlightening them about the reality of racism.
Black people may choose to give up in frustration when trying to educate White people about racism, White people have a responsibility not to give up.
***
Once I was on a short road trip in a car with my husband and a few of his co-workers. We were on our way to a family retreat for my husband’s company. I’m not sure how, but the conversation shifted to the topic of systemic racism. A White woman, I’ll call Lisa, started off with the standard “I don’t see color” line. I took a deep breath because, man I hate it when White people do that. I was embarrassed for her and I knew we were in for a long challenging conversation. I would have preferred to just ignore her ignorance and enjoy the scenery of the drive. I didn’t have the luxury of doing that because I had a responsibility to at least try to educate Lisa.
Instead I pulled up a photo on my phone of Beyonce standing next to Mike Myers and asked her if she really couldn’t figure out which person was Black. Lisa admitted that she recognized race but insisted that it didn’t matter. Then she told me how growing up in a poor rural small town she didn’t have any privilege because of her skin color. I patiently acknowledged that I was sure she worked hard to achieve things in her life but she is unaware of the obstacles she didn’t have.
Then I took the time to share things that helped me understand my privilege. I told her about the studies that show people with Black sounding names are less likely to be called for an interview when applying for jobs, how Black people are less likely to be approved for a business loan or mortgage and the practice of redlining. It was a long conversation, she fought the concept of White privilege hard. Eventually she seemed to have at least a better understanding of the concept.
Honestly it was a bit tedious being patient with her as she pulled out one cliched trope after another. All I wanted to do was put on headphones and watch the scenery go by. It was my responsibility as a White person to do my best to be patient with those tropes because if I got angry and sharply criticized her for her ignorance there was no chance she would listen and consider a different perspective. Black people shouldn’t have to show that patience, but White people should when they are trying to educate other White people.
***
If you’re White, no matter how woke you consider yourself to be, you don’t get to separate yourself from other White people and absolve your responsibility to be actively anti-racist. It doesn’t matter what books and articles you’ve read, what documentaries you’ve watched or how many Black friends or lovers or family members you have. All of these things may have increased your understanding and awareness but none of them allows you to appropriate Black anger at ignorant White people or to disown your Whiteness and the problems of White supremacy.
If you are a White person who considers yourself an ally and an active anti-racist you don’t get to walk away in disgust at the person with the “all lives matter” bumper sticker. Nope, you get to deal with them. Remember that there was a time when you really didn’t get it, too. Someone educated you and odds are that person was patient with your ignorance at first, too.
The reality is most White people in America still lead very segregated lives. We all have relatives, friends and co-workers who deny their White privilege and are dismissive of the problems of racism. We usually just roll our eyes and say nothing because we don’t want to have uncomfortable conversations with them. You aren’t an awful person if your instinct is to get angry and want to avoid difficult conversations about race, that shows you are human. However we simply can’t do that if we are trying to be actively anti-racist. White supremacy is our mess and we’ve got to clean it up one annoying, tedious conversation at a time.
—
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Adi Goldstein on Unsplash