Question: Coach Allana, I read a situation totally wrong! Thought I was vibing with a woman from work. Asked her out, and still can’t believe how fast she shot me down. Is there anything I can do to save face?
Answer: It sounds like you were courageous! I love that! I’m sorry that she didn’t reciprocate your affections… It’s possible she WAS vibing with you… yet when presented with the next step… caved, freaked out, pushed you away because of HER insecurities, yes?
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Too bad you’re the only one in the whole planet that’s ever experienced that… Kidding 🙂 I have been shot down. I’ve freaked and done the shooting down. How about you? Have you ever shot a woman down? I know my sweet 15-year-old son has been shot down. And has told girls he isn’t interested.
Every single client, thousands of them for the past 20 years, every single one of us has been shot down. And every single one at some point had to tell a suitor they weren’t interested. It’s part of the courageous path of love and dating and relationships… Even within a marriage one partner can get shot down with an idea, with a sexual advance, with their values or priorities, yes?
There is no safe place free from rejection! There’s no way the butterfly is getting out of that damn cocoon in one fell swoop… There’s no way that piece of coal going to become a diamond without thousands of pounds of pressure overtime.
I say this not to make light of your pain or suffering… I say this to provide a different point of view that being shot down is not wrong or bad or failure or mistake… It’s part of the plan. And you also weren’t bad or wrong if you didn’t reciprocate a woman’s advance and interest in you either. It’s an inherent part of the journey of being human.
And thus, great man, there’s no need to save face when you never lost face in the first place… you didn’t do anything wrong. You aren’t wrong. Nothing’s wrong here.
You are awesome. You are courageous. You showed up. It just wasn’t a match. Your worth didn’t change. You still belong. You’re just as deserving as before. It just wasn’t a fit.
Now the key becomes whether YOU believe that, yes? Who cares what some lady who writes for the GoodMenProject thinks… Who cares what the woman who shot you down at work thinks… Who cares what anybody bloody well thinks about you! Seriously!
The only one whose opinion matters about your worth… is you.
And one day if not already, she will be shot down…you will shoot someone down… until that Divine Partnership for a month, a year or a lifetime presents itself 😉
And so the question becomes, What’s it going to take for you to love, honor and care for yourself no matter what the external circumstances are?
What’s it going to take for you to keep your heart open in the face of anything?
What’s it going to take for you to see that the Universe is supporting you EVEN through the dynamic of challenge?
Remember how if you cut a butterfly out of its cocoon… It dies! If you stop the pressure on the piece of coal… It stays a piece of coal, never a diamond. If you give up on your dream, it never happens. If you take it personally and close your heart judging your worth… you will never find your Beloved.
The only way through is through my friend… And you are a glorious courageous great man!
The advantage of being shot down is that you get to practice reminding yourself of that.
This is really the core of my work because I was one of the most insecure people pleasing terrified people you’d ever meet! I would give my power away left right and center just to get approval or attention.
And so the core of my books, videos, guided meditations and curriculums are “heal your heart, dissolve wounds and clear away blocks to unwavering confidence and self-respect.”
My programs teach you literally how to be a Noble Badass no matter what your circumstances.
I teach you how to manifest your Beloved while staying true to yourself.
And inexpensive way to get a taste of my wisdom, build trust in my expertise and gain some new ah-ha and shift some points of view would be my 2 book/ 2 audiobook program called Scoring a Relationship. If that resonates with you I encourage you to go through my reasonably priced 6 module program to dissolve the ‘nice guy’ called Dear Lover… The return on investment you will experience is literally priceless to no longer worry about saving face because you have a deep rich bold confidence in your worthiness no matter what.
And no one can ever take that away from you.
By the end of Scoring a Relationship, I promise you, you’re going to look back on that woman at work… And THANK HER for being the catalyst to bring you home to your masculine grandeur.
Crazy? Maybe… but TRUE.
I adore you, I believe in you.
I know you can do this.
Great love, Allana
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