Before I get into this, I want to state that I do not speak for every woman or man. I am simply observing trends, provoking thoughts and sharing my opinion.
Unconditional love is love without strings attached.
Meaning, if I can’t give you x, y or z – you will still love me.
The want for unconditional love in the new age women that is trending consists of having a list of terms and conditions for a man.
- What type of job does he have?
- Can he provide for me?
- What can he do for me?
- How much money does he have?
- Can he buy this for me?
- Can he take me on x3 holidays a year?
These observations are due to the change in social norms and individual expectations. More young people are becoming financially free, setting the bar much higher when it comes to courtship.
We’re living in times of instant gratification.
And although I agree that women should choose their husbands correctly. You want to make sure you can be taken care of emotionally, physically and financially and most importantly — you’re happy!
But it’s a lot of me me me.
I get it — everybody wants a good life.
But what these women are basically saying is that I want a man to love me unconditionally, only me, and nobody else – including himself.
But that’s not unconditional love.
Unconditional love is built on respect, mutual growth, and understanding.
The Roles are Reversing
Don’t get me wrong, some of the changes that are happening are for the best. For so long women have been mistreated, if it’s been at home, at work, or in public.
So for all the changes that are ensuring that women can live a safe, secure, fair and free life – I am here for it!
Climb that career ladder. Be the greatest you can be. Love yourself. All of it!
But I am not here for women becoming men and men becoming women.
The new-age woman has her list of non-negotiables that are sometimes highly unrealistic.
Women are setting the pace. They are courting men.
Women have their set of rules, and men have little choice but to follow them.
They don’t have a leg to stand on, therefore most men have conformed.
Is this an abuse of power due to new waves and ideologies of movements? Or are men getting a taste of their own medicine?
Whatever it is — all it is doing is breeding women who take control of the relationship and are constantly unhappy for taking the male role and men who are unsatisfied in their relationship because they feel emasculated and eventually leave.
Naturally, women vocalise their emotions more than men.
Men just shut up and put up.
Leading to complex issues such as depression.
Depression Rates in Men
We have all heard that there the suicide rate in males is much higher than in women.
The biggest killer of men under 50 is suicide.
Why is this?
Because of their role in society. Men have always been encouraged to be tough. They’ve been told to ‘Man Up’.
Work and financial pressures are the two biggest issues that negatively affect men’s mental health.
Women have always taken the title of being emotional beings, causing men to be more afraid to open up.
Internalising emotions can be deadly.
A mass of men live quiet lives of depression.
With this knowledge at hand, don’t you think men also need unconditional love?
Men Also Need Unconditional Love
When it comes to love and relationships, the emphasis is primarily on the needs and desires of women.
Shadowing the unconditional love that men also need.
The narrative that men do not need love is an outdated stereotype, which overlooks the fundamental human needs of love and acceptance, free from any condition.
Men have been in a fortress of stoicism, where showing any form of emotion is a breach of masculinity.
Men believe that in order for them to receive unconditional love or any form of love is dependent on their performance, success, and maintenance of traditional roles such as providers and protectors.
Shouldn’t a relationship be more than that?
Shouldn’t it be about loving someone for exactly who they are, not down to what they can provide?
I assume men don’t want to come home crying to us every night. But I do believe they want a relationship that offers emotional support, somewhere they can comfortably offload, and feel supported by the one person they chose to have their back.
The same thing we women want!
Both partners should feel valued, beyond their societal and traditional roles.
Women should not be judged solely on their cooking skills and men should not be defined by their professional achievement.
We should be embracing a more compassionate approach in our relationships. Your partner should be your friend, consigliere, your sanctuary in times of need.
Setting unrealistic conditions reaffirms the want for a provider, not a companion.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash