I’ve never been a fan of wrestling. Wrestling: two men engaged in a tussle to pin the other down until complete submission is accomplished. Nope—not for me. Bro-wrestling is the worst, and usually involves drinking. Bro-wrestling: an all out war under the guise of friendly combat. I had no idea I was about to become a master wrestler. And never did I think I would be wrestling G.O.D.—Government Ordained Dogma.
It started around my late twenties. I distinctly remember calling my oldest, dearest male friend and exclaiming over the phone (before text messaging), “They lied to us!” Though I was laughing, I was pissed.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a moment when you realize not everything you’ve been led to believe is what you’ve been led to be. I realized I was fed a well-constructed concoction I call Social Shepherd’s Pie. If you know anything about Shepherd’s Pie then you may have an idea what I’m talking about. This Social Shepherd’s Pie’s ingredients: conditioning, lies, code, masked dollar signs, a host of other things with a vat of salt to hide the blandness and truck load of sugar for me to be addicted to thinking I like it.
I was mad at everyone: parents, society, government, ‘we the people’—EVERYONE!
I was mad at my parents for not only condoning the lie, but also propagating the lie.
I was mad at society for inventing the lie.
I was mad at the government (the governing body of a nation, state, or community) for enforcing the lie.
I was mad at us, the people, for accepting the lie.
There’s a way right way to do things.
This way will lead to happiness.
This is the way to salvation.
That all this shit isn’t made up.
ALL THIS SHIT IS MADE UP, ALL OF IT! Nobody knows a fucking thing. Yes, there’s experience. Yes, there’s science. But none of that dictates what’s right for everyone. The hubris to dictate that there’s The “One” way to get anywhere. The folly for me to have believed it.
What I was taught in history class—mostly lies. How America came to be and who first stepped on it—LIES. I’m not sure what you believe, but a lie is a lie whether it’s by omission or complete fabrication.
The American Dream: The Road To Happiness—wife, 2.5 kids, dog, white picket fence (MUST be a white picket fence), a good job I can slave away at for 50 years and the company will take care of me—LIES. BIG LIES.
What a man was: strong, emotionless, contained, don’t show fear, NEVER cry, NEVER show affection (unless under extreme duress or behind closed doors in the dark), never trust anyone, failure is death, my worth is my job/money, the man with the most power wins—AWFUL LIES.
These are broad strokes. There’s more insidious, destructive government ordained dogma that’s harder to detect: religion, one race better than other, one gender more worthy than another, one sexuality is more Godly than another, one life is more valuable than another. Damn G.O.D.
Years later I’m still wrestling with these idea, constructs, and lies. Separating truth from fiction. Understanding the difference from perceived rights and human rights. Standing for what’s right even if that law on the books isn’t right. And knowing in my heart I’m on the right path, though those on the other path tell me I’m wrong.
I learned many things, many things I wish I hadn’t. But I never learned how to give up. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been a fan of wrestling, because I never learned how to tap out. Even though I’m not a fan, I’m not getting off the mat until I’m free of G.O.D and there’s no more S.I.N. (Strangling Inner Knowing) left in me.
So now before I close my eyes, in the hope I will wake,
I no longer pray to G.O.D. for my soul to take.
I am the Light
It is my birthright
I will stand and be seen
And not cower or hide in-between
No matter what comes from the front or behind
My Light will shine, and shine, and shine.