I thought I had it all figured out.
Even though I was miserable inside…
Not happy with myself, not happy with anything…
As soon as I had that new thing, that new toy, that amount, that object of my desire…
As soon as I had that thing I craved…
I would find happiness.
I chased.
And I chased.
And I chased some more.
I had things.
Lots of things.
Beautiful things.
I had large amounts.
I had what many only dream.
And I was still miserable.
There was no emptiness in my things.
There was no emptiness in my garage.
There was no emptiness in my bank account.
There was no emptiness in anything…
Except myself.
The space that I tried to fill with things was an emotional void inside of myself.
That void could never be filled with any object or amount.
No one else could ever fill that void.
Only I could fill that void with love of self, an understanding that I am enough…
That I have enough.
My continual cravings for more to fill a perceived void was an emotional wound caused by a lack of self-love, self-worth, self-esteem.
Since I was not happy inside, I thought I’d find it on the outside.
When we are not happy inside, we can never feel happiness from the outside.
Temporary spikes of joy, yes.
But not sustained, long-lasting happiness.
I turned inward.
I did some emotional work and healing.
It took some time.
Once I filled that void on the inside…
Not only was I able to find my worth, value, and love for myself…
I found that my life was perfect.
My things were enough.
In fact, I desired less things and began to declutter my life.
My worth and happiness are now derived from myself, my power, self-respect…
Knowing that I am a valuable part of this world.
Knowing that I add value to others.
Knowing that I am enough.
I still enjoy nice things.
Nice things are nice.
But things and other people only support my joy.
Things and others can never BE my happiness and joy.
I must be my happiness.
Inside must be healed first.
Complete.
Only after healing my emotional wounds could I realize that I am the happiness I have always sought outside of myself.
The happiness we seek is always on the inside, never on the outside.
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This post was previously published on Mike Kitko and is republished on Medium.
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