There was a time relationship red flags were reflections of monogamous or heteronormative expectations. When marriage and childbearing were expectations of women and anyone woman without plans for the two was seen as a red flag.
But now, people are beginning to change their perception of what counts as a red flag because what one sees as unacceptable can be a joy to another.
However, there are still abusive and controlling behaviors that should not be ignored in a relationship. And sporting these red flags can save you time, money, and experiences that can lead to a lifetime of trauma.
“It’s my birthday month. Can you make it an unforgettable one for me?”
You met a girl not too long ago, and the next thing she hints her birthday coming up that month. She wants you to throw her a party and treat her like a queen. She goes on to ramble about how great it will make her feel if you got her something she requested.
She doesn’t know you and yet she already has her expectations lined up for you. And if you don’t give in to her request, she gets upset and won’t talk to you. The problem with this behavior is that she’s holding you to a high standard and she on a low standard. If she’s making unrealistic expectations too early in the relationship, that is a sign she has low value.
Women who display petulant behaviors think they are princesses who can get anything they ask for. Some women use this emotionally manipulative trick to get away with being needy.
So if she’s throwing tantrums over a request when she barely knows you, be extremely careful with her. Because she can do anything to get what she wants even if the request makes you uncomfortable.
“I’m not having sex with you until your buy the shoe I asked for.”
Sometimes people in love manipulate their partner to get them to change bad behaviors. It can be nice at the beginning when your partner makes petty demands in exchange for something.
But using sex as a weapon is not a healthy negotiation strategy. Sex should come from a place of love, desire, and need.
When your partner starts manipulating you with sex it becomes a threat and that is unhealthy for any relationship. All hell can break loose from one threat because it won’t stop there.
Emotional blackmail is a negative behavior women use to get men to do something out of their character. If she tries to use emotional blackmail to make you feel fear, guilt, and obligation, you must be careful with how you respond in such circumstances.
“I wish I never met him. He made my life miserable.”
Making negative statements about your ex can be a sign of an unhealthy personality. It’s possible her ex was a terrible person. Maybe he betrayed her trust and she didn’t deserve that.
However, when a woman goes to an incredible length to bash her ex, his family or friends, there is something odd about her. If she always has something negative to say about the people in her life, that’s a sign of an unwarranted diatribe.
A diatribe is a vicious and malicious verbal attack against someone or something. This habit includes belittling people, criticizing and gaslighting someone to make them look or feel bad about themselves.
If she only says negative things about people, chances are she will say negative things about you too. And people like this tend to hold everyone else to a high standard so she complains when they don’t meet her expectations of them.
“I shouldn’t have to ask before you buy me xzy.”
Your girlfriend expecting you to be a mind reader is a major turn-off in a relationship. Nobody is a mind reader and the girl you are dating shouldn’t expect you to be.
When we fall in love, we make it very clear how special our partner is. But as the relationship evolves after dating them for a long time, we stop expressing how we feel about them because we forget ourselves, we become complacent, we have more conflicts, and other personal problems begin to creep in.
There is nothing wrong if your partner requests that you buy her something but she should be able to communicate her needs in a healthy and mature way.
Instead of expecting you to know what her mind says, she can simply tell you want she likes or what you can do for her.
“I’m totally crazy when I’m in love.”
Some guys think it’s cute when a woman calls herself crazy. But seriously guys, you have to believe her.
Some women wear their craziness as a badge of honor and when they meet someone they care about their craziness and insecurities come out.
You might hear her say things like “I tracked your location on Snapchat to make sure you were home where you said you were. I’m crazy you know that.”
Well bro, she’s crazy, believe that. And there is no amount of ‘what ifs’ that can protect you from her craziness. So if you are thinking ‘if you loved her more’ or ‘gave her anything she asked for,’ she will be less crazy, then you are shooting yourself in the foot.
The reason we ignore red flags can be selfish
Red flags are early warning signs of unhealthy traits that could harm the people involved in the relationship. It’s that tiny voice that tells you ‘something is off” about a person.
Sometimes we ignore the red flags because we want to see and believe what we want. When you love someone, you look for the good in them. Even when you are angry with them, their smile will soften your heart.
Also, we are usually attracted to those who possess a part of us. We see our reflection in them. So if they make a mistake, we ignore it, just as we would if we did it ourselves.
But often, we ignore red flags because we have no boundaries. We allow people to get away with emotional, financial, and physical abuse when we don’t define ‘what is and isn’t’ acceptable.
However, if you spot red flags in your relationship, take a moment to assess the situation. Try to understand the reasons behind what they said or did.
Some people mishave when they are under stress. Regardless of the reason, if their attitude is consistent over time, then that is who they are. After your assessment, you can decide if you still want to be with her or keep things casual.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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