Your Marriage Is Sending You an Urgent Message

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

George Bernard Shaw

Several years ago, when I was at a conference, the keynote speaker, Dr. Patricia Love, asked the audience what they thought the greatest threat to a marriage was today. Many answers were tossed out.

Dr. Love silenced us all by doing one simple thing.

She held up her cell phone and said, “This is the greatest threat.”

All technology comes with positives and challenges.

My husband and I got together before cell phones became a thing. Having one would have helped on several occasions when one of us wasn’t where we were supposed to be.

He was beside himself when I was very late coming home from a meeting. He panicked when the lights weren’t on when he came home. It wasn’t until he went inside and found all the messages I left for him from all the payphones I used on my way home that he relaxed.

Then there were the two times I called the State Patrol when he was running errands during snowstorms.

Having cell phones would have prevented all the angst and upset.

But in other circumstances, cell phones are responsible for angst and upset.

Take this couple, Susan and Pete, for instance. She said, “Pete was either sleeping or playing video games. I was either watching videos or playing games. If we needed to communicate, we texted each other.

And therein lies the problem. They are both more attached to their devices than to their marriage.

They had lost the ability to be fully present with each other and have any kind of conversation in person.

And if there is something important that needs to be addressed, trying to do it over text is disastrous.

Some couples do it because they think it’s better than getting into an argument. Maybe you do as well.

But it’s really just a way to stay in your comfort zone and feel like you’re in control.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Because in texts, all you get are the words. No facial expressions, body language, or tone to provide context and minimize misunderstandings.

And that is what can make things worse.

Unfortunately, easy access to technology has made good communication a diminishing skill. And that is a real problem for your marriage.

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Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished on Medium.

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