You’re ready to be free…but you’re sort of stuck for now.
Maybe you’re inhabiting a job or even a life that is two sizes too small for you and you have obligations you can’t shake. How do you get things to feel freer when you’re still sort of stuck? While there are occasions when there’s not much to do besides grit your teeth and get through it, there are also action steps you can take to find some of that freedom right where you’re at, no matter your circumstances.
The first step usually raises a few eyebrows: care less. Don’t become careless, but see if you can dial it down in the caring department. This isn’t advisement to stop doing a good job or to quit fulfilling your responsibilities, but when we care deeply about, well, everything, it’s a fast track to feeling not only completely drained but totally trapped.
Find one area where you can choose to let it matter less. Experiment with how it feels and what it does for your time and energy resources. Yes, the review at work is important, but how important is it in the grand scheme of things to attain a perfect score in every single category? Yes, you’re invited to Great Aunt Nelda’s monthly family dinner again, but what will attending do for your personal capacity vs. spending the evening focusing on restoring your reserves?
Next, actively create some freedom for yourself. Rip off the nonsense filter of where you’re feeling trapped. Inventory those spaces that feel constraining (the too-tight deadlines at work, the family role you’ve ended up in, the cute but oh-so-much-work puppy you just adopted) and ask yourself these three questions:
- Is this truly as much of a constraint as it feels like?
- Where can I find any amount of freedom with this situation, even if it’s only in my own head?
- What am I doing that’s contributing to this feeling like more of a tie-down than something I’m opting into?
From there, create emotional distance from the people or other aspects involved in the situation by naming them as a character you might encounter in a novel. They don’t necessarily have to be the villain (though they could be!), but by naming them it creates a way to interact with them that feels more objective. It also reminds you it’s not your first time dealing with them or the issue, and it’s a helpful prompt to lean into the coping strategies you’ve already developed.
For example, that noisy upstairs neighbor who always wakes you up on the weekends before you’re ready becomes “Sunshine.” A little sarcasm, a lot of snark, and also a moniker that reminds you not to let the annoyance become bigger than it is. That leaky faucet that just won’t stay fixed no matter how many times you tighten it? Molly Brown. Because while there’s water everywhere, it won’t sink your energy or steal your day.
Even if your external circumstances aren’t ready to shift just yet, you can still move through them with freedom on the inside. Define how you want to be in your situation instead of how you have been showing up. What are the characteristics of the person who behaves that way? How do they respond to circumstances they encounter or requests that are made of them? What music might they listen to? How might their bedroom or their desk be decorated? What underwear might they wear? What internal monologue might they be enjoying while their face gives nothing away?
With that fully defined and described, you have some actionable starting points for what is within your control that you can shift to find some of that freedom you’re craving. Though no single tool or practice alone will completely shift your circumstances, your intentional actions and internal shifts will create that momentum over time. You’ll be freer on the inside until you can get freer on the outside. Remember: the stuck-ness won’t stick with you forever, but your freedom will.
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