When reading Tabitha Studer’s insightful and heartwarming “25 Rules for Moms with Sons,” I kept score: which of these did my mother do, which did she not do (sadly, she did not teach me how to iron or do laundry; she was more likely to stick a knitting needle in her eye than learn to throw a football). Still, I was surprised by the list’s widespread readership – 74K views and counting! – even more surprised than I was as a little boy when my mother told me she didn’t like peanut butter. Whaaaat?!
Finally, I realized I shouldn’t be surprised. (About the list’s success, I mean; the PB thing is inexcusable.) Obviously, the mothers of the world are receptive to advice on raising sons. (Either that, or the sons of the world emailed the list to their moms, pointing out specific instances of maternal failure. But, I’d like to focus on the lovey-dovey, here, so I’m going with the moms-are-receptive angle.)
In that spirit, I set out to produce a list of 25 Rules for Moms with Bachelor Sons over 40. Alas, I could only come up with twelve. Maybe if my mommy had thrown the football with me when I was a kid… NO! We’re staying positive, Jamie!
On a positive note, at least I’m not a 40-Year Old Virgin, like Steve Carrell’s character in the hit comedy. Of course, my mother would probably prefer that I was more of a virgin…
Without further therapy, here’s my list of 12 Rules for Moms with Bachelor Sons over 40:
- Do not blame yourself for his singleness. Blame your husband.
- Call back promptly. His clients, customers and friends already blow him off, and he can rationalize that. But Mommy’s lack of responsiveness is a gut punch.
- Send Care Packages. His college diploma disqualified him from NCAA sports eligibility, not cookies/brownies eligibility. Bake and mail for no reason!
- Yes, he is wearing that.
- He hasn’t eaten ______ in the previous four decades. Why would he start eating ______ now?
- If he is seeing anyone special, you will be among the middle to know.
- He knows his hair is missing. Or grey. Or both.
- Try not to cry when seeing him hold a baby.
- He doesn’t need anything specific for Christmas. He’s fortywhatever years old; when he needs something, he goes and buys it. He doesn’t wait seven months for Santa.
- Comments regarding weight are unwelcome unless they begin with the words, “Have you lost…”
- When you call and it goes to voice mail, leave a voice mail. Otherwise, he’ll think you had a stroke. (Which is an effective way to get sonny boy to call back, but it’s a little unfair.)
- There is no need to try a new recipe when he comes home. He wants the old stuff.
What rules did I miss?
Photo by: rollenran