Jamie Reidy agrees that deep-sexing in the workplace doesn’t have to lead to deep-sixing from the workplace.
I wholeheartedly agree with Joanna Schroeder’s assessment that businesses should require employees to sign a love contract prior to engaging in a relationship.
This pact is especially necessary in hospitals where, from what I gathered from “Grey’s Anatomy” before it went off the air four years ago, a medical professional simply cannot get through the day without intercoursing an intern.
Accordingly, here is a boilerplate agreement companies can use free of charge. (Note: I am not an attorney and I did not stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.)
We the undersigned agree to the following:
– We will carry antibacterial spray and paper towels with us at all times.
– We will not, when dotting “i’s” and crossing “t’s” in contracts, replace the dots with little hearts.
– When busted by our colleagues after a “Nooner,” we will not pretend to have been meeting re: the Bloomberg Proposal.
– We will not share our work voice mail passwords with each other; thus preventing the IT department from repeatedly having to unlock the jilter’s mailbox thanks to repeated unauthorized access attempts by the jiltee.
– We will keep our respective cubicles, as opposed to moving into the bigger of the two cubicles that gets more light and is in a nicer section of the office
– We will abstain from “sealing the deal” in the conference room after a client signs a big contract.
– We will not upload naked photos/videos of each other onto company computers.
– We will not establish a joint work email account, i.e. [email protected].
– We will not hold hands in the hall, unless one of us has lost vision during a building evacuation.
– When the relationship inevitably sours, we will not create fake Twitter accounts in our ex-partners’ names and tweet things like “Damn herpes ruined another relationship.”
Did I miss anything?
Photo courtesy of Victor155
SG – I freaking wish I’d thought of the nicknames! Nicely done.
— We will not refer to each other in intra-office memos using romantic nicknames, like President “Pookie” or make up cute titles like “Vice President of Snuggles” or use cute nicknames as reference points otehr people, like “Sugarbritches has the file.”