Like 63-year-old actor and Martial Artist Dolph Lundgren, I grew up with an abusive dad. Perhaps not the best common distinction, yet an authentic one. The abuse Dolph experienced was far worse. While mine was more yelling and shaking, his was physical beatings. Still, both childhoods were traumatic, regardless of scale. Our childhood was no picnic.
In his TED Talk, “On Healing and Forgiveness,” Dolph described the two options available when you’re abused and confronted with fear: fight or flight. When Dolph was 4 years old, his dad was as big as he is now, about 6’ 5”. So fight was not an option for Dolph. When he ran away, his dad found him.
Dolph soon discovered the third option: You freeze. When I was 6, I discovered the same when my dad raged at me. I froze. I balled up all that anger inside me. The downside: That anger has to come out sometime.
Consequently, growing up as a young boy in Sweden, Dolph engaged in self-destructive behavior: escape behavior. Escape behavior is associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), where you try to get away from what’s inside you. Again, I related to Dolph. Working through my childhood abuse and depression with my therapist Lance, he said that I had suffered from a form of PTSD, too.
In Stockholm, teenager Dolph began studying karate to get his anger out. When I was 12 years old, Mom made me take Aikido. I had no recourse. Mom chose Aikido because it was not offensive-minded: no punching or kicking. She drove me to Aikido class three times a week.
Actually, I liked Aikido, not only because I was actually pretty good at it, but also because I could release my anger in a constructive way. Dolph said training in karate channeled his “energy and aggression into something positive.” We discovered our pursuit.
At about 16 years old, Dolph started training in Kyokushin Karate. He later trained with the Founder of Kyokushin, Mas Oyama, in Japan. He was dedicated. He trained intensely. Dolph became European Champion in 1980-81.
Today, Dolph is a 4th-degree black belt in Kyokushin Karate. I’m a 4th-degree black belt in Aikido. We both participate in therapy to heal our childhood trauma. Meditate. We both have Master’s degrees in engineering. Dolph is my “spiritual twin,” although I’m 58 years old. Yeah, he’s 6’ 5”. I’m 5’ 3”. We’re both ruggedly handsome. I’m kidding. Still, we’re both lifelong martial artists.
Life is about the journey, the training. My Aikido Sensei, the late Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.”
Dolph said that traditional martial arts “makes you a better person.” Amen. Years ago, Mizukami Sensei said that he really didn’t care how I trained in the Dojo. It was more important to him that I was a good person outside the Dojo.
Kyokushin Karate and Aikido are traditional Japanese martial arts, Budo. Budo derives from Bushido, which means the way of the samurai. Samurai literally means to serve. The purpose of martial arts is to serve, to make a difference, to make others and ourselves better.
In the bigger picture, I wait it out, just train. I reinvent my greater-than my versions to become a better person. Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.”
Becoming the better person, the greater-than version of myself is a continual journey. That’s loving me for who I am, and forgiving myself for who I’m not. That’s being kind to others, and being kind to me, too. That’s being humble, getting that there’s always something to learn, to expand. That’s the lesson from the late Mizukami Sensei, the humblest man I knew on Planet Earth. I bow to him. Nothing but mad love and respect.
In the greater picture, we all want to make a difference and leave the world a little greater than when we came into it. In that picture, in the art we create, it’s about being the best person that we can be. Just saying.
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