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Meeting new people can often feel like a daunting task, especially if we feel pressure to impress others off the bat. By changing our language to remove bias and assumptions, we make everyone feel important and foster more interesting conversations. Here are a few tips to make sure you are creating a welcoming space for all:
1. Make sure your introductory questions apply to everyone: “Where do you go to college” and “where do you work” make key assumptions that might not apply to all individuals. By asking “are you in school” or “are you working now,” you ascertain the same information while giving people the option to say comfortably if the question does not apply to them now.
2. Replace “what do you like to do” with “what do you like”: For a myriad of reasons, people might not have the ability to go out and do exciting things with their lives. Money, time, and levels of independence can all be limiting factors on social life. Not everyone has hobbies, but everyone has interests! This opens people up to talk about things they care about without having to impress with a lifestyle you might deem worthy.
3. If you are asking about someone who is present, address them directly: Be it a child, a partner, or a person with a disability, always ask your question directly to the individual. If the other person steps in to field the question then so be it, but always give people the opportunity to speak for themselves. No more “what’s his name?”
4. Give space and take space as needed: If you are saying everything or nothing, chances are one of you is going to come out feeling unheard. If you feel yourself dominating, take a nice long pause to see what they offer up. If you cannot get a word in edgewise, do not be afraid to tell the other person that you have something to say. To a blatherskite like me, this can actually be quite helpful in signaling when to stay quiet.
While these changes may seem minor, they go a long way in helping everyone to feel heard, respected, and valued. Together we can turn a chaotic world into one full of equity and mutual understanding.
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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
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