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Remembering the past is a good thing, especially if you’re a battle-hardened survivor like me. Remembering the tough road that I fought my way through to get to where I am today helps me recall that I wasn’t always this well received, and that my voice carried very little weight in the social circles that I swung in. Previously, I was an enabler. I was one of those guys that sat in a group of friends, cheering the leader on with whatever choices he or she wanted to make. I enabled their actions on whatever level they wanted to take them to.
Enablers aren’t worth much in the social pecking order. They are two per penny, and can be as easily replaced by some other poor unaware social cheerleader were they to dare and grow some backbone and challenge the dynamic of the group. Enablers don’t usually have much personality of their own and usually mirror that of the strongest people in their group. Like what they like, do what they do, frequent where they frequent. That was me. A personality-less person soullessly wandering through life wondering why life sucked.
I was no stranger to trauma either. Let’s just say I’ve had quite a few trauma events in my life. I don’t think about the past too much, though. I mean, what can I actually do about the past? I really can’t do anything about it. Nothing. What makes a difference is what I do from here on out. Now.
I could choose to spend that time thinking about how shit my past was, or I could get busy living the life that I could potentially create for myself.
It’s why I don’t get the arguments within Political circles today. I hear people saying that they will never vote for the left because of what happened 20 years ago. Twenty years is a long time ago, my friend. Perhaps you should keep up with current events. The same can be said for what I hear from people about voting for the right. It’s nearly 2020 people. It’s not 1980. In 1980 we didn’t have the internet, cryptocurrency and super-fast road cars. Let’s get real. The world is more different than it’s ever been, and the Political landscape has entirely shifted since then.
It often makes me wonder also on most other topics, that people tend to reflect far too much on the past rather than creating a better present. I’ve often heard older men tell me that life was far simpler and better in their day and age than it is now, yet they seem to overlook the parks with dogshit spread all over the place, the rubbish just blowing past you and ending up in a twister in a corner somewhere, and a trip to the beach was like a rubbish minefield trying to avoid your feet getting trapped in plastic or stabbed by bottle glass.
It often feels like the longer we remain in the past the more we miss out in our future.
I really don’t like blaming either. Blaming is a very negative way to rule my life by. I used to blame. It was like a way to shift the bad focus of my life onto someone or something else so that I wouldn’t feel hurt. It enabled me again, to focus on the past.
She did X
He did Y
And by doing this I was shifting ownership of my responsibility to take things forward onto someone else. That’s what I did when I blamed. I didn’t want the uncomfortableness of owning the bad stuff that was mine. That stuff was for non-Teflon people. For people that could take blame.
I’m very different now though. Whenever something goes wrong I’m the first to own up to my actions and look at a solution to the problem. I’ll also take note of what I’ve done wrong, so I don’t walk down that path again. It’s my way of forward thinking.
I blame the Politicians and marketers of today. I’d have so much respect for a Presidential candidate that stood up and said. We have done x, y, and z. We made mistakes and they have been awful. We’re going to do a, b, and c to try and rectify the situation. But no, it’s usually the other party that gets the blame. We all like to scapegoat someone rather than take responsibility for our actions. No-one is to blame in government, ever, that’s for sure. Until, of course, a new party takes up office.
The Conservatives, 7 years later, are still blaming Labour for the trouble we’re facing in the UK. 7 years! That’s a long time to shift responsibility, no?
All in all, I only keep my past mistakes close for one reason. So that I’m aware of them and don’t ever repeat them again.
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