I had met Missy on an online dating site less than a month before meeting her face-to-face. Missy’s profile picture had been from a few years ago. She had smooth, taut skin framed by a bob of blonde hair. When I met Missy in person she kept pulling at the bottom of her shirt to cover up a bit of belly. But I didn’t care that she was bigger than I would have liked, because I was curious. I wanted to see how far it would go.
And there I was having dinner on Missy’s living room couch, while she drank white wine, then read my palm and told me that I would be a good husband and father. I had just turned 22 and was still an undergrad, while she was almost 30 and a teacher. To get Missy to stop talking I made out with her.
We both had our shirts off and Missy was rubbing my dick through my shorts, when Missy stopped and sat on my feet. She said that she needed to tell me something. I didn’t want her to stop rubbing my dick. I thought maybe she’d continue after she told me this. So, I nodded.
Missy said that at a party in high school she had “scissored” with a girl and now had genital herpes. I couldn’t believe that a moment ago my hand had been at her damp crotch. I wiped my hand on my shorts. Still, to be polite, I stayed a little longer before I said I needed to go.
At her door, Missy said she’d see me again.
For a second, I considered seeing Missy again. Even though she has herpes, I thought, Maybe she’ll give me a blowjob. Then I thought, What would I have to do in return? I realized not only was I desperate enough to put myself at more and more risk, but worse, I was willing to use her.
Missy had been honest enough to tell me she had herpes, but I didn’t want to deal with that. I thought nobody wanted to deal with that. While she was being responsible, Missy’s consequence was probably getting turned down again and again.
“Sure,” I lied and forced myself to accept her goodnight kiss.
The next day I called Missy and said, “Thank you for telling me the truth. I just can’t handle it.”
Missy said she understood.
I was too much of a coward to say I was sorry.