Selfish is often viewed as a negative word which is unfortunate. Girls are taught from a young age not to be selfish and to always share. However, taking care of oneself which is often associated with being selfish is an important ingredient in being happy and successful in life.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we are much more likely to overindulge in other areas such as eating, drinking, drug use, sex shopping etc. When we take care of ourselves. we are better able to be there for other people. This is analogous to the concept of being on a plane that is going down. A parent is instructed to put on his/ her mask first before putting on the child’s mask.
When I am working with clients in my treatment center, I always talk to them about self-care and distinguishing how this is different from being selfish. To me, selfish means you don’t care about anyone else’s feelings and you do things that are detrimental to other people. Self-care, on the other hand, is putting oneself first but in the way of valuing one’s self.
Often times in addiction, people do not value themselves. They put themselves in situations that are dangerous and could potentially lead to death. Teaching them to value themselves helps raise self-esteem and allows them to find other avenues to feel good. When I discuss this issue of self-care, my clients often give me a questioning. look. Many of them grew up in homes where they did not feel valued or heard by their parents. As we know, addiction tends to be a heritable disease so many of them have parents who are also active in addiction. They are unable to care for themselves or anyone else. They are being “selfish” but are not utilizing self-care.
When people learn how to take care of themselves, they are able to model that for their children and also are better equipped to be there for the children. Focusing on self-care is one way to help reduce the desire to use substances. Obviously, there are other factors that contribute to substance abuse but self-care is often overlooked. Especially with girls.
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This is a featured post by site supporter Dr. Renee Solomon.
Photo by Arleen wiese on Unsplash