Many parents dread the day that their children leave the nest. I’m grateful to have been liberated by my empty nest.
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After a year away at vocational school, my son came home to a mama who learned to take care of herself, one who set boundaries and kept a clean home. This was not the same mama he left the year before. You could say he was not prepared in the least. After a week at home, he said, “I’ve gotta get the heck outta here.” I couldn’t have agreed more.
While we’ve always been close, and our time apart brought us even closer, we trigger one another. Living together was no longer in the cards for us. I’d grown to love my empty nest, and he’d grown to love his independence and routines. Within a couple of weeks, he and three of his closest friends found a house to rent. They named their new home “The Cosmic Funk Journey.”
It’s certainly been a journey—for all of us. It’s been about eight months since my son moved out. He and his friends live less than a mile from me (on the campus of a large college in our town).
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As a mama from a distance, here’s what I’m learning about my boys and their first home away from home:
- Money is much less likely to be spent on food than on beer
- Speaking of food, the refrigerator is generally empty except for the condiments I purchased and any beer or other liquor they might have on hand
- Whether intended to be or not, any food in the fridge or pantry is community food (which is why my son often leaves “his food” at my house so his roommates can’t eat it)
- Mama meals are always appreciated, whether in person or as leftovers (as are groceries of any sort)
- Electronics are important (including HDTVs, sound bars, gaming systems and computer equipment)—cooking equipment, not so much
- Girls and boys who are not known to you may come and go from your child’s home at all hours of the day or night
- Not everyone your child lives with has the same goals and aspirations as your child and may not understand why it’s important to shut down the party when your child has to work at 8:00 a.m. the next morning
- Laundry and dishes get “crusty” quickly—if you’re “lucky” you can continue to do laundry for your child
- We won’t talk about the toilets or showers
- The house often resembles (and smells) like a frat house
- Each house mate could have a different definition of “due date” when it comes to paying the shared bills like rent and utilities
- No one picks up the mail or pays attention to it—don’t send anything important via the postal service
- Protection (of all kinds) is extremely important—I’m talking condoms, insurance, umbrellas, mace, Band-Aids, knee-pads, helmets, security systems, passwords, sunscreen, probiotics and antivirus protection
- It’s good to personally know the people your child lives with—when I say “know,” I mean know their phone number, be able to call them, have a conversation with them and invite them for dinner
- If you’re blessed like me, even though your child doesn’t live with you, you still get to see them on a regular (even daily) basis
- Distance (even a short one like mine) doesn’t have to take away from your relationship—as long as you nurture communication with your child, your relationship will continue to grow and evolve regardless of the physcial separation
- The friendships your children make (or in my son’s case, continue) with their roommates are so special and will likely be kept for a lifetime
- Mid-week Dance Days are a blast—having mama crash their Wednesday night dance party was a surprise they weren’t quite ready for and is one that will go down in the books as one of the most fun nights we’ve ever had
- The pride I have as a mama watching my son take care of his responsibilities on his own is so immense, I can hardly contain it sometimes
Many parents dread the day that their children leave the nest. I was liberated by my empty nest. I’m further relieved as I see my son growing into his commitments and responsibilities and meeting them head on. I honestly couldn’t be more proud.
Top Photo/Pixabay
Bottom Photo/Courtesy of Author (Mid-week Dance Day)
“Mama meals are always appreciated, whether in person or as leftovers (as are groceries of any sort)”
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My best friends were empathetic, supportive, and caring. When I shipped out, the first letter that I got from them was to ask, if I was going to be away for so long, could go directly to my mother for her lasagne.
True blue that bunch!
and another good post, Mel. Parents could learn a thing.
Thanks DJ. While my son was out of state for vocational school I had his friends over often for mama meals:) It was a good way to stay in touch with them. I mean, they are my tribe after all.
Amazing, it must be good for parents to support their child for the decision they had made.
Thank you Lavues. It does feel good as a parent to support your children in the decisions that they make. It’s very hard sometimes supporting them in decisions you don’t agree with, but part of parenting is allowing your children to make their own decisions (and learn from the natural consequences of those decisions).