Mikki Baloy Davis thinks you should open up and cut the cords.
With the faux-liday festivities of St. Valentine just around the corner, here are five ways to genuinely clear the way for new love. These tips come from my shamanic practices and what I learned after much online-dating: I met my husband via interwebs in 2008. For real.
Out with the old
Are remnants of past relationships still lingering in your home? Ticket stubs, cards, photos, emails, her missing earring: all of these little keepsakes are actually holding the energy of that ex-love—and keeping you stuck in singlehood. If you can’t part with the old stuff, you’re not ready for new stuff. Letting go of the mementos may sting at first, but sometimes that’s part of the closure process. If it hurts a lot, then that tells you where you are emotionally. Please use that information to be more honest with yourself and others.
Create an inviting space
If you went to a new flame’s apartment and saw grubby, worn-out sheets on that bed, how eager would you be to jump in? I once turned down an offer of breakfast when I saw moldy leftovers and dusty pans in the kitchen. Prepare for the honored guest who’s about to make her presence known by cleaning your house, buying new candles, and having some nice snacks and drinks on hand. You’ll feel prouder and stand taller knowing that you’re ready to entertain (an energy that your date will notice), and she’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness and class. It’s a win-win. Side bonus: if you have to spend the night alone, it will be in a tidy space with snazzy new linens—something you’ll love anyway.
Watch your language
“There aren’t any good men out there.” “I’m not going to find the love of my life online.” “I’m having coffee with some girl I met… It’s probably nothing.” Sound familiar—and kinda depressing? Habitual statements have a way of becoming self-fulfilling prophecies, so start taking notice of your words. Speak and think in the affirmative: I’m open to possibilities. I’m ready to meet someone amazing. An awesome woman just might be looking for me right now, too! When you change the story you tell, you can change the way it ends. These positive expressions aren’t cockeyed optimism; they’re facts. Prepare to be surprised with how easy it can be and how good you can feel in the meantime—when you watch your language.
Think outside the List
It’s helpful to know what you value in a partner, and to remember what doesn’t work for you, but too much specificity can be severely limiting. Sometimes the deal-breakers are more negotiable than you’d expect. My husband is older than I thought I was looking for, didn’t live in New York City (I did), and was divorced. So, as far as I was concerned, three big no-nos. Suffice it to say, I’m really glad I agreed to that first date and all the ones that followed. His grounded maturity is one of my favorite things about him. I love my new home in the country, and I know he can commit and be faithful because he’s done it before. List schmist.
So you’ve just met someone amazing, and your ex calls you out of the blue. You might be thinking (or saying) WTF, but it turns out we are often connected to former lovers by energetic cords. We’re tethered to each other, even when we don’t want to be anymore. Depending on the emotional investment and amount of time spent with them, these things can be pretty thick and stretchy, and like elastic or bungee cords they keep us attached and yanking on each other, however subtly. A simple cord-cutting ceremony can free you of these energetic bonds so that it’s easier to move forward unencumbered. Done with good intentions and love and with help from a healer, cord-cutting can also bring insight and perspective on old, habitual issues.
Shortly after my wedding, I cut cords with everyone I’d ever slept with, and immediately (like, that night) had a provocative and very important conversation with my husband. I felt different, too; what might have been an argument in the past was instead a deep, productive talk. I know the shift happened because I finally really let go of old relationships, like I had suddenly freed myself from a spiderweb.
If you’re ready for serious love, try out these five tips. Set your mind and your words to finding exactly what you need for your highest good and evolution—not just for the short-term fun of maybe. Invite love into your life, into your home, and into your heart. And then get ready to rock.