Thinking back, it was almost like a K-drama. We were at summer camp just after ninth grade.
I remember what drew me to him was just how easy he was to talk to. I was at, without a doubt, one of my lowest points ever in terms of self-confidence. I didn’t have a very large circle of friends to start, and didn’t really have any guy friends at school either, so this new opportunity to make friends at summer camp was something that was both nerve-wracking and exciting for me.
The summer camp was two weeks long, and we saw each other every day. I remember feeling so comfortable and accepted — a feeling that I really longed for at that time. I could say whatever I was thinking, do whatever I wanted, and he would just listen and make me laugh.
I felt like I finally found someone who was on the same wavelength as me, someone who I could get along with so effortlessly, and I genuinely felt that we were really connecting.
I remember thinking, hm, maybe he could really be the one. I smiled at the thought, but kept it to myself — it all seemed too good to be true.
We were a week and a half into the summer camp. When the day ended, the two of us somehow decided that we were going to walk to the nearby plaza together.
I remember that sparks were flying — this was my first time ever going somewhere alone with a guy.
Halfway to the plaza, he reached for my hand, and we strolled around the plaza together. He was so sweet, making sure I was on the side of the sidewalk, reaching for every door for me. We bought snacks, and chatted about this and that — at the time, this was honestly the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me. I wrote everything down in a diary at night, because I didn’t want to forget this chapter of my life.
At the end of the summer camp, we were all placed into various one-week long volunteer internships at other summer camps. Not surprisingly, we both requested to be at different camps but at the same facility, so we’d still be able to see each other.
At this point, nothing was official, but it was clear that something was in the air.
Our one-week long volunteer internships quickly passed by in the blink of an eye, but I was still hopeful. I knew that there was no way our story would end here, and I couldn’t help but smile every night — this kind of summer romance was like a dream come true, and I wanted so badly for this to be the start of a long relationship. He felt like someone I could count on, someone who could take care of me, and someone who wouldn’t fail to do his best to make me laugh. Lo and behold, on the last day as I was about to leave, he chased after me and we officially became a couple.
Sort of.
After all, this was my first ever relationship, and I wanted to take it slow and do it right. But, as the title of this article indicates, it clearly didn’t last very long.
I knew that at this point, we had only known each other for three weeks, and there was so much I still didn’t know about him.
I wanted to take our time to get to know each other and solidify our friendship and relationship before anyone else knew about us.
I made it clear to him that I really wanted us to keep it low profile in the meantime, and he agreed and told me he understood.
But before long, I started getting some mutual friends messaging me, telling me that they heard the two of us were going out now. As the two of us interacted more and I heard more about him from mutual friends, I realized that maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought.
Everything that had felt so right up until this point, suddenly didn’t feel as right anymore.
We started talking more, but I quickly started feeling uneasy, and I honestly wasn’t as comfortable with him as I thought.
There was nothing bad that had happened, and I don’t really think anyone was at fault. But I learned that I actually found it hard to really fully trust others, and this relationship wasn’t unfolding as I thought because I genuinely did not know him well enough yet. And now that the “chase” was over and we were officially in the relationship, it made it much easier for me to start seeing who he was with a different lens, and realize that we just weren’t compatible at all.
So before things got too messy, I ended the relationship a few weeks after, and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It had quickly gotten to a point where I realized we didn’t even need to “stay friends” or talk anymore after — I just wasn’t going to miss him at all.
In retrospect, maybe it was just infatuation, which is why it was so easy for me to end it. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case — I was at such a low point in my self confidence, and everything just started so smoothly that there was no way I couldn’t take this opportunity to see where this relationship would go.
I don’t blame myself though. I know that I genuinely thought that we’d last. I guess I was naive — but rightfully so, I wasn’t even in tenth grade yet, and it was my first relationship. I have no regrets, but I laugh when I think about how quickly I tumbled in love — and subsequently rolled back out, unscathed.
There are so many things I’m grateful for though.
I’m glad I was clear about defining my own pace in this relationship. This was all so easy for him. He was a smooth talker and flirted so casually — it was obvious. I tried to be nonchalant, but it was so exciting for me since it was my first time actually getting attention from someone else like this. I’m sure he knew that I was falling for him quickly, but I’m glad that I recognized that I had to take it slow as soon as we started dating.
I learned that trust really takes time to develop.
It’s easy to become friends with someone, but to really open your heart and be vulnerable in a relationship takes much, much more. You may think you know someone, but unless you actually give it sufficient time, there’s a lot of things you might miss. It’s easy to hold on to certain characteristics and behaviours for a while, but someone’s true self will eventually come out — and in a relationship, it’s really worth holding out and waiting until that happens. For me, I quickly discovered that we weren’t as compatible as I initially thought, and thankfully ran away in time.
One of the most fundamental things I learned from this experience though, is that what you want isn’t always what you need.
The next relationship I was in — which is the person I’m still dating (and have been for more than eight years now), turned out to have a completely opposite personality. That summer, I thought I wanted someone who was outspoken, confident, and smooth. It turns out that the person I needed was someone who would listen, keep me grounded, and grow with me — and I hope we can keep growing old together.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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