How do I convince her I’m not interested in her roommate?
Dear Sexes: Hey guys, so my girlfriend lives with this girl who is borderline nympho. She has a boyfriend, who’s a deusch and she also has a “girlfriend” that is reminiscent of Justin Bieber. Needless to say she is a little bit whacky. My girlfriend is convinced this girl has a major thing for me and feels like she is trying to sabotage our relationship. I have no interest in this girl, but can’t seem to convince my girlfriend. How do I convince my girlfriend I don’t want anything to do with this girl?
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She Said: I wish we were on the radio or podcast here, because I have a ton more questions than I have answers! First, what makes her a nympho? She loves sex? She has tons of sex? Nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as she’s happy and true to herself. So I’m going to toss out the word “nympho” and just call her The Roommate, it’s just so much less charged with politics and dirtiness.
You cannot control how your girlfriend is reacting to The Roommate, Justin Beiber, or the “deusche” aka The Douche (at first I thought you were saying he was German). Be as true and respectful as you can, and don’t throw hints at The Roommate, if you are. Don’t flirt, don’t even flirt back. Regard her as you would a 90 year old grandmother or a nun. Reassure your girlfriend that you’re true to her, but be sure your actions are backing that up.
Above all, if your girlfriend is insecure and you’re TRULY being honest and respectful (seriously!), there’s not much you can do except hope she gets a new living situation.
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He Said: Have your girlfriend move in with you. Then you don’t have to see nympho roommate, and your girlfriend doesn’t have to worry about her liking you. Seriously though, maybe your girlfriend has trust issues, or maybe it’s just, living with a nympho has made her paranoid that her roommate will have sex with anyone she can get her hands on—like you. For some reason, I get the funny feeling you like the roommate’s attention.
If you really have no interest in the roommate, and if you really want to reassure your girlfriend (who seems to need the reassuring), interact as little as possible with the nympho. Silence would be best (though not always possible), but bare-minimum cordiality will do. If the roommate engages you, you disengage politely. If she asks you a question, you answer in as few words as possible. And don’t go out of your way to ask her questions. In short, don’t be too nice. Sometimes niceness is mistaken for interest. And a nympho might mistake that friendliness for an invitation to a party (in your pants).
Maybe you and your girlfriend should have a public display of affection, in front of the roommate, so she knows where she stands—she’s the third wheel, not invited to the party that is you and your girlfriend. Unfortunately, this plan could also backfire, and the sex fiend could become even more aroused. When does your girlfriend’s lease expire?!?
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Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.
—Photo andronicusmax/Flickr
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10 Comments on "My Girlfriend Thinks I Want Someone Else"
and the reason we don’t talk to each other about problems is the risk involved in confrontation. Often, we debate whether our feelings are “long term” or just a moody moment that is not worth the fall out. I think you need to pick your fights carefully.
Seems to me if this girlfriend feels this way she should confront the roomate not her boyfriend.
P.S. The best thing that relationship advice columnists can say in just about every case is: “Why are you asking us? We’re not her. Talk to HER about it.”
WellOkayThen, that is some of the best advice I have seen around here from the member comments. Great job.
If the only thing going on is that you think the roommate is attractive, and your girlfriend can’t accept that normal, internal thing inside you, then she has unrealistic expectations. I’m not talking about flirting or staring or other actions that you need to knock off. That’s out of line. If there’s a basic fact that you *think* the roommate is attractive, and that’s the only problem, then your girlfriend is out of touch. There’s no need to *volunteer*the fact that the roommate is attractive, but if your girlfriend asks you point-blank then you have to be honest.
Agreed. If she has trust issues and you’ve done nothing to warrant them, it’s HER problem and not yours. Tell her honestly that you’re not interested in the roommate. If that’s not good enough for her, move on to someone worth your time.