Trigger warning for a Photoshopped picture of a rape.
There is a subset of the female gaze that causes much kerfluffle amongst a lot of guys, and it tends to occur in an incredibly predictable pattern.
Now, for purposes of this post, we will be assuming that female desire for men is not a myth made up by the Illuminati to ruin your life. At the risk of sounding tautological: straight chicks dig dudes. If that’s too wild and out-there a concept for you, you might want to get off the train here.
There’s a very specific form of female desire that comes up at pretty regular intervals, and leads to a repetition of the same pop cultural hiccups every single time. It’s like an annual passion play about desire and gender enforcement, reenacted every year with a new cast. I am referring, of course, to the teen heartthrob.
Inappropriately NSFW pictures and old-man tongue-clucking follow the cut.
What I’m talking about is this:
You’ve heard the jokes: Twilight is gay, and Justin Bieber is both gay and a girl. You wouldn’t think there’s enough material there for terabytes of jokes, but well, here we are.
Now here’s what’s interesting: no matter what age you are, the exact same shit happened when you were 13. There was a male celebrity, a singer or an actor, who massive numbers of young girls were obsessively desirous of. He was slightly androgynous in presentation and did not perform masculinity in a typical way. All the boys in the targeted age group hated him, and declared him gay, a girl, or both. Often it’s a band; ever since the 60s, prefab boy bands have been manufactured and marketed to produce exactly this effect.
Sometimes it happens louder, sometimes quieter. Sometimes you have a wave of cultural derision that seems embarrassing in retrospect, like James Bond making fun of the Beatles in Goldfinger, just one of a thousand anti-Beatles jokes from that era. History has been kind to the lads from Liverpool–less so to the Bay City Rollers, though there was a time in Britain where it was worth your life to insult that band around teenage girls, or suggest around teenage boys that the Rollers might be straight.
It’s a phenomenon as old as mass media. If you spend your time bumming around the 1920s trying to seduce Dorothy Parker, as I generally do, you can’t help but run into Rudolf Valentino.
Here we see the first major heartthrob phenomenon. Women swooned, men walked out of his movies in disgust. He was cited in an infamous editorial that bemoaned the death of true masculinity in favor of sissy pretty boys, an article that’s still running, basically verbatim, today. (Endless damned citations available on request.)
It’s eerie, really. Over nearly a hundred years, you’d expect some slight change. But no, still we play the same game. Pretty-boy celebrity, squeeing pubescent girls, sneering pubescent boys calling out homophobic slurs, editorials tut-tutting about whatever happened to Real Men? If this were any more ritualized, it’d be fucking Gormenghast.
So what the hell is going on here? What is encoded so deeply in our culture that it plays out identically every year without rehearsal or orchestration?
Well, gender enforcement, obviously.
The taste for the androgynous pretty boys isn’t universal, of course. I’m sure there are many women reading this who never even owned an album by N*Sync (or NKOTB, or Take That, or Wham!, or the Monkees…). However, an awful lot of women do recall a breathless obsession/fixation with their dreamy-eyed object of desire that utterly consumed their life for six months or a year, and then just quietly passed. There’s always various theorizing about androgynous guys seeming safer or less threatening to girls still growing into their sexuality, but that’s a topic for another day. What gets me is the gender enforcement.
I trust we can all agree that “gay” is what gender enforcers say when they’re trying to express the concept of “not performing masculinity hard enough”, right? So naturally that’s the first accusation leveled at the Valentinos and Biebers of the world. Conceptually, that’s ridiculous on the surface of it. The whole point of these guys is that they are catnip for girls. Hell, Valentino’s definitive role was (subtextually, at least) Rapemaster McRapington of Rapesylvania, and that was supposed to be the appeal. “Gay” is too easy; there’s something weirder going on underneath.
I think it’s significant how often these heartthrobs get called girls. With that poor Bieber kid it’s the main idea, but I’m sure you recall your share of Orlando Bloom jokes from a few years back, and even the Beatles got the same routine. On a surface level, yeah, that’s just another thing people throw at guys who aren’t performing masculinity hard enough, but I can’t help but feel like there’s another layer of enculturated strangeness.
The subject/object divide is one of the key elements of gender role enforcement, one encoded deeply into our conceptual grammar. In matters of sexual attraction, the point of the Two Rules of Desire is that men are the subjects, never the objects, the desirers, never the desired. Women are the objects of desire. Therefore, if you have a guy who is plainly and inescapably an object of desire, he is by definition a woman. Commence mocking him accordingly.
This phenomenon can be seen as an example of our profound societal commitment to the Myth of Men Not Being Hot. Men are definitely not hot, so we will find any other explanation necessary. Hot guys on TV drawing large female audiences? They must think he’s sensitive and caring, not sexy. Women into porn about two men together? They must be trans men. Women going nuts for a male porn star? They must like his personality.
Well, what about that guy? The one over there doing nothing but driving thousands of girls into a frenzy of feral lust that looks like a high-school production of The Bacchae?
Um, he must be a woman, then.
@chrislittlesun: “It could also be that teenage girls are more likely to be attracted to guys their own age (or who at least look their own age). Another word sometimes used for this guys is “babyface”, and guys who look like this generally look more like tetenage boys (if they’re not actually teenagers) than guys with more “masculine” features.” Along those lines…I think there’s a general trend in our culture to sexually idealize people who look rather pre-pubescent. When it comes to hetero male attraction to women, this trend has been widely recognized in feminist circles. The current idealized standard… Read more »
@Noah: “This phenomenon can be seen as an example of our profound societal commitment to the Myth of Men Not Being Hot. Men are definitely not hot, so we will find any other explanation necessary.” Yes! Thank you! If women just found us hot, instead of essentially “selling themselves” for some value only we could provide them, then the whole pack… uh… of… lies men believe… um… about having to “earn” love, affection, sex, etc. would collapse and society would… er… lose one of it’s biggest levers for dominating men. Instead women like men for all and not just some… Read more »
“Incidentally, IMO, this is an activist post denouncing the image. In the past, feminist anti-porn activists had gotten away with murder when it comes to violating copyright laws and reporting requirements when creating their derivative materials. So I think that as worried as you are about it, nothing’s actually going to happen here…”
I don’t think a judge would make that distinction. In any case, comment or not it’s an offensive (and indeed potentially triggering) image.
@Monkey, I think they already noted that. I don’t know about the legal status of that pic, but I’m pretty sure it’s okay because it is a) photoshopped, b) under “fair use”, and c), not really graphic… just suggestive.
Incidentally, IMO, this is an activist post denouncing the image. In the past, feminist anti-porn activists had gotten away with murder when it comes to violating copyright laws and reporting requirements when creating their derivative materials. So I think that as worried as you are about it, nothing’s actually going to happen here…
I know I’ve written this before, and I know this is an old post, but could you PLEASE remove or replace the first picture of Bieber? It’s not only offensive, but potentially illegal.
If you ought to be ambitious, but you don’t have an ambition, what do you do? As an outsider, this seems to be the single biggest question that feminists have asked of themselves and criticized feminism on. I’ve often wondered about the nature of this question. Why is it, for example, that the default for a “non ambitious” woman is to be a housewife? Some of the most competitive, status-seeking women I have ever met in my life were housewives. Why is it that anything that has to do with a desire to please men, such as being beautiful, is… Read more »
that men are held to a single impossible standard (for example, having a high-powered career while also doing all the home repairs themselves) Not really sure why I’m nitpicking this, but I keep looking at that sentence and seeing two standards that are both unrealistic and conflicting. And I’d throw on top of it that men are also supposed to be “financially responsible” by providing for the well-being of a family (i.e. being able to save) while being expected to buy diamond rings, bring home flowers, and go around town wining and dining various floozies in hopes that one will… Read more »
The author of _Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters_ includes some blame of the feminism of the girls’ mothers, but I couldn’t quite get clear on what the issue was. Here’s my guess: part of that feminism was the idea that it’s good for women to be ambitious, a natural reaction to the previous idea that women should have no ambitions outside the household. [1] However, it’s one thing to have a strongly felt personal ambition, and another to be told that one ought to be ambitious. If you ought to be ambitious, but you don’t have an ambition, what do you… Read more »
Thinking about “haters gonna hate”….. it’s true, and possibly the verbal hatred is amplified online. However, what gets hated changes from time to time. In re the demands on men vs. the demands on women: I’ve heard a theory [1] that men are held to a single impossible standard (for example, having a high-powered career while also doing all the home repairs themselves) while women are subject to conflicting demands that can’t be fulfilled even in theory (being the perfect light-touch mother and the perfect disciplinarian). [1] I’ve got two good books about social standards which lead to high levels… Read more »
@Martha Joy
It does not convey a point, other than haters gonna hate on both Bieber and Twiligt, and you know, you could have just written that.
It illustrates, unambiguously, exactly what the article is talking about. I’m kind of inured to that sort of idea, because I browse Youtube.
On the other hand, Noah has been accused of deliberately riling up readers.
Why is that Bieber picture still up and why do you not answer people who ask for it to be taken down? We’re all familiar with this kind of shite, because we are all on the internet, But that picture, showing a grown-up man raping/having anal intercourse with Justin Bieber, who looks like he is in pain, has NOTHING TO DO ON THIS BLOG. Come on! Admit you were wrong putting it there in the first place and take it the fuck away. It’s not even funny. It does not convey a point, other than haters gonna hate on both… Read more »
Regarding that link. I’ve always wondered about that James Deen character. He didn’t look like your average pornstar (how did this lost looking jewish kid find himself on a porn set). I always thought he had a story to tell. Turns out he does.
As in it seeming like its overshadowing only because the conversation on it went from nearly non-existent to suddenly there.
@Jay Generally — whoops! Sorry, missed this comment of yours, don’t want you to think I was refusing to reply or anything . . . “I hope I don’t sound like I’m jumping on you for linking something fun and (in my opinion) relevant to a discussion about how shaming what women like and what men do in response is counterproductive to giving boys and men avenues for being sexual. I’m sorry if I do. 🙂 The premise of the thing is cute and funny. You’re right; It’s all opinions.’ Oh, hey, no worries, I didn’t think that at all.… Read more »
@Danny:
Probably. I just don’t see why it’s relevant to what I said.
AB:
I don’t think it’s new, it seems to be have been around for a while.
In rereading I actually said that wrong.
Even with that tally bear in mind the fact that that one demand is still relatively new ground.
should have been
Even with that tally bear in mind the fact that talking about that one demand is still relatively new ground.
As in the new ground isn’t the demand itself but conversation about that demand (and calling it for what it is).
(Who said anything about Oppression Olympics?)
@Danny: Even with that tally bear in mind the fact that that one demand is still relatively new ground. And apparently that one demand has cause a lot of destruction, well at least according to some parts of gender theory at least. I don’t think it’s new, it seems to be have been around for a while. Anyway, I’m not trying to play the Oppression Olympic with you, and I’m not trying to deny that the gendered expectations on men have often been detrimental to their physical and mental health (and everyone else’s for that matter). All I’m saying is… Read more »
Please, please remove the Bieber image. It’s actually seriously creepy and borderline child porn.
I was just reminded of this hilarious set of vintage 90s boy band pics: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/reasons-why-boybands-were-better-in-the-90s
It’s worth reminding ourselves just how silly and kitschy some of this stuff was – every bit as WTF as Britney Spears in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit, posing slinkily on a wall of lockers. Oh the questionable taste we all had when we were 15…
AB: Perhaps guys have those blinders, but in many cases, I think the situations really are different (though I’d be very interested in where you think the conflict lies for men). By blinders I mean things like that cutthroat attitudes, giving up family time for career, etc… Historically, we’ve had a patriarchal culture were men were usually given more status, which resulted both in most high status behaviours and positions being ascribed to men, and many typically male behaviours being linked to high status. But that more status came at the cost of extremely destructive behaviors. Like take ambition and… Read more »
I’ve been called cute before, pre-transition, I had to look non-plussed or like it was an insult, or I lost masculinity points. I did lose a lot of those though, because I spat on the script early enough.
Oh, lookie, made the same typo in my email address as before, and got the same alt!critter icon. At least I’m consistent. :/
@AB – “I’ve heard a lot about how women on gender blogs are different than average women, and in this case, I think perhaps the same is true for guys on gender blogs. The wish to be considered attractive in a specific and very traditionally female way seems to be a niche, not a general male preference.” Dunno about that — I’m willing to bet that guys on gender blogs are more likely to *express* that kind of desire, certainly. It’s sheer armchair psychiatrist speculation, but possibly some of the really emphatic, even angry, rejections of physical compliments I’ve seen/heard… Read more »
@Danny: I wonder if this has to do with the figurative blinders that guys have put on us when it comes to being successful. As in if you look at the things that are required to be successful as a man you see that some of the also run opposite to things that are required to be successful as a person. Perhaps guys have those blinders, but in many cases, I think the situations really are different (though I’d be very interested in where you think the conflict lies for men). Historically, we’ve had a patriarchal culture were men were… Read more »
@Argyle: RE: Women complimenting men, there are actually a *lot* of women who think about complimenting/want to compliment guys on their appearance; the problem is so many of us have gotten such negative reactions when we try to do so, it ends up leaving a gal tongue-tied. Even something like, “Let’s leave the light on, I like looking at you, you’re gorgeous” can send an evening straight to hell, unfortunately (been there, done that, been accused of “demasculinizing” or even mocking the individual in question by taking the male role and complimenting appearance, oy . . .). It does seem… Read more »