Kirsten Gallagher is a very talented comedian (-ienne?), a member of WDWMKR at the ITC, and a personal trainer. She also writes a brilliant and hilarious blog that started here: http://atheistbiblelark.blogspot.com/ and is now here: http://atheistbiblestudy.wordpress.com/
A bit of background: I’m not ashamed to admit that I paid for a three-month trial membership on eHarmony, This is how we meet people these days, isn’t it? I thought so. Besides, I loathe the club scene. Needless to say, I didn’t have tremendous success and now I’m out sixty bucks (which could have bought me a nice steak dinner). I did learn a few things about men or rather, some men from the experience. Bear in mind that when I use “men” in the list below, I’m using it to be succinct; I really mean “a few jerks”.
- Men think they look more attractive in pictures if there are women hanging off them, laughing mid-sway like it’s a Ferrero Rocher commercial. I hate those commercials.
- Men think it’s sufficient to list their interests as “hanging out and having good times with friends”. That’s what everybody likes to do, unless you happen to have Asperger’s.
- Men don’t understand that the qualifier “self-employed” demands further elaboration. Without it, “self-employed” sounds to me like “I live in my parents’ house and will have to borrow their van to take you out on a date that will likely be to the Playdium in Mississauga”. That screenplay’s never going to get written.
- Men don’t understand that trying to sound way smarter than you are by mentioning stuff I learned in a first-year political philosophy course will absolutely make you sound dumber than you are. I never, ever want to go on a date and talk about how “communism is great in theory”.
- Men have more fragile egos than women. This is a new realization for me. Sorry to the guy who had to hear that I just wasn’t “feeling it” after the second date.
- Men have a critical period between the ages of 25 and 30 in which they can make lifestyle choices that will potentially make them look like a 40-something Dad worthy of an expensive barbeque and a “Kiss the Cook” apron. A goatee does not mask these choices.
- Men might want to have sex with you but will still not spring for a $1.94 coffee on the first date (tax included). It wasn’t even a latte.
- Men might think that because a date didn’t go horribly, horribly wrong that it went really, really right. I happen to be equipped with the ability to crack myself up and oftentimes, the presence of others is incidental.
- Men might think that because we share similar interests that it’s a match. It’s great that we’re both well-travelled and learning Spanish. But if nothing’s happening south of the border then there is no third date.
- There are two words that men don’t know are the equivalent of throwing a bucket of ice water on my crotch: computers and science-fiction (well, three words).